Whickham Highwayman v Oxhill Central (North West Durham Cup 1st round)
Let’s Gavin Clues and get it on
By Singe
After last weeks empathic victory, it all went west on social media. It wouldn’t be The Arch without some drama or negativity even after winning a game 10.1. Donnelly the South Moor Messi took a huff because he was only named on the bench. Cat Meat who wasn’t even at the game due to being at a Christmas Fair then said Donnelly had joined Catchgate. Little Luke then deleted Cat Meat from The Arch chat on Facebook and gave him a 10-day ban for telling this lie and numerous other lies over the last few weeks (years, depending on how you view the situation). The knock-on effect of this was Cat Meat was unable to put our fixture on social media, so nobody knew if we had a game or not. Anyway, we did have a game and it was away to Whickham Highwayman in The North West Durham Cup. Disappointingly the league officials also couldn’t be bothered to send out a proper fixture list for the 6 teams from the Consett League who are appearing in this cup, so they were no help either. To cap of a peculiar week veteran Gav admitted that he pissed the bed last Sunday night after drinking too much Toffee Vodka alcopops. To redeem The Arch’s honour Dangerous Davies received a medal from The Prince’s Trust for saving a man’s life who had been run over at The Font. Prince Andrew is said to be delighted with him along with Dangerous Davies parents Safety Davies and Neutral Davies, well done. Liam Jägermeister drove to the game whilst wearing a pair of leather driving gloves and Singe told everyone a story about how some big bruiser who used to play for Pelton Fell back in the day scared Singe and also how Singe had not seen the big bruiser for at least 15 years. Randomly the big bruiser played against Singe yesterday at over 40’s football and kicked Singe in the bottom of the foot. When they got to the changing rooms this morning Singe was horrified to find that the big bruiser was the manager of the Highwayman! Crabstick Coxy has a new car and Little Luke ate a bag of pork scratchings as he forgot to have any breakfast. The game kicked off in a rainstorm and we were 2.0 down inside the first 7 minutes. 25 minutes into the game and the sun came out and we were level at 2.2. Liam Jägermeister assisted a goal and rolled his sleeve right up his arm to show of the full length of his muscly tattooed arm (his hands were covered still with his leather driving gloves). Crabstick Coxy then ‘hacked down’ the Highwayman’s striker and a 22 man brawl kicked off. Singe and Mackem Metty ran the length of the pitch to get involved but then Singe bottled it when he spied the big bruiser Highwayman manager. The referee then sent off the Highwayman’s striker who took his top off and strutted about and the same fate was given to Coxy who kept his top on. With both teams down to 10 men the scores where then pegged back level at 3.3 veteran Gav smashed home a header and The Arch went through to the next round as 4.3 victors. Gav was skipper again today and gave us a perfect centre forwards performance and was flipping epic. His day did rapidly go down hill however when Little Luke unleashed a fire extinguisher in his and Kei’s face and Gav’s coat that got covered in paint last week has now been covered in foam. On the way home Joe Gill is brill told us that he’s been coaching Bott at work how to header a ball by chucking roof slates in the air and making Bott jump up and nut them. Sensible cap Josh was missing from the squad today as he was making memories on the front page of the Evening Chronicle for his dancing skills at the top of the Bigg Market.
-- Regards Singe
www.singevert.vpweb.co.uk
