Thomas Wilson FC vs Oxhill Central It’s been a long few weeks since CatMeat attended a match and a hell of lot has changed in that time. Dangerous Davies and Kei had decided to shift to the recently formed Earl Grey, Fisher had left to concentrate on his career as a chef and Joe Gill is Brill transferred to every team in Stanley and Consett before transferring back. This was going to leave us very short with only having a squad of 13 the opening games of the season and 2 of those leaving. Luckily the remaining lads pulled together and rounded up some new signings and returning old faces. Herby was back in action, Gateshead Dan from Dipton returned from chasing antisocial youths and Nobby made his long awaited outfield return after warming up doing dance videos for the last month. Aaron Oliver transferred over from the Ball Alley thanks to the help of old super fan Joe Palmer, David Gray aka Babylon came from the Sun inn after having a sex change, Cam Metcalfe (no relation to mackem Metty) signed after having a nose ring to help look more aggressive but it actually made him look like a big softie and Elvis signed a lad from work called Matty who has various second names. Today we were away to the leagues new team Thomas Wilson. At the Arch carpark Dirty Dan and sensible cap Josh came in matching Crocks and “Stay juicy” caps, Manager Pounder came eating a continental breakfast and Veteran Gav was confused as to why Schinla was calling him nasty names. After a scenic route around the village of Kibblesworth we finally located the pitch in the middle of a housing estate, well everyone except Joe Gill is Brill and Bott who got lost and ended up in a kids park. Pounder rounded up the troops while Nobby strutted around with his top off and PeeDog soiled himself. For the first time in a few seasons we actually had more subs that we could name! Eventually we kicked off and the game was at a stalemate for 20 minutes before the mad Monk pretended to be injured when he smelt someone smoking happy backy on the side lines and Duffy1 told everyone he had seen a ghost. Veteran Gav put us in the lead but that was short seen as The Thomas Wilson replied quickly before taking a 2-1 lead into half time. Half time we were cursed with injures as Nobby and Liam came off with niggles and Clarkey the 80s pop star seen his new dog was watching so came off to pet him. Joe Gill is Brill soon levelled after halftime from another excellent free kick by Kyle Northumberland before a pen from Gateshead Dan from Dipton put us 3-2 up for 30 to go. Nobby returned to the pitch as the Mad Monk dislocated his finger when poking their striker in the eye. Luckily Nobbys TikTok dance moves helped him out as he done enough to put off the pen taker who placed it wide of the post. The game ended 3-2 to The Arch with Dirty Dan getting MOM. After the game CatMeat forgot to pay the ref, Sensible Cap Josh made the bar lady in The Arch blush and Jessy James shared a celebratory doobie with the Mad Monk.
