ButtonMatch Report
Sun 02 Sep, 2018 dfa county cup - Preliminary Round
oxhill central fc
1 - 1
Felling fiddlers three
Won 3 - 1 on penalties Star player: Kieran Gohery
ReportTeam
Oxhill Central v Felling Fiddlers Three (County Cup 1stpreliminary round)
Raw chicken
Some of the greatest days in the history of The Arch have been in the County Cup, not for the breath-taking football or for reaching the later stages of the competition but for the monumental P**S ups we have had after the game. We have had great days out in Sherburn, Coundon, Bishop Auckland, Coxhoe and Sunderland. However rather disappointingly for the big drinkers at the club this year we were given a home draw against Gateshead Premier League side The Fiddlers. As per tradition in the County Cup the away team visits the home teams bar and we all get drunk whilst squabbling over hot-dog sausages on the buffet table. The news during the week was that The Fiddlers would not be coming back for a drink as they had ‘stuff on’ at their bar. Is this another team that don’t like us? The morning got off to a bad start where Cat Meat was late getting down the pitch so we all had to park up on the road as he had the only set of keys to get into the car park. The que of traffic went half way up The Moor bank and finished off outside where The Happy Shopper used to be. Somebody else who was late was Gateshead Dan from Dipton he refused to take his car to football this morning because there was a spider in it and he’s scared of them. He said he had to borrow his Mam’s car. Little Luke was a no-show as he was on a ‘wreaker’ at The Metro Centre with Stonka Brown and for the 2nd week in a row there was no sign of Shola the engine. He’s either got earache or a bad chest, he’s becoming even worse than #WorstBoakes. Thankfully Joe Gill is brill was back in the team after being stuck in a multi-story car park since Wednesday. Buttercup Monkley was raring to get a game of football after having a breakfast of raw chicken and Red Bull. Someone else who’s gained some aggression is Liam Jägermeister who spent the morning diving into tackles and pushing people. He said he’s been eating raw carrot and brussel sprouts. The Fiddlers keeper looked about 12 years old, Joe Palmer the celebrity fan gave Singe a bag of Sports Mixtures and Mackem Metty gave Singe a FAB ice-lolly as it was sunny. Unfortunately, there was no joke on the wooden lolly stick. The joke was the football as another poor game had us trailing 1.0 until Kei pinged in an 87th minute equaliser. The game would have to be decided by penalties. Thankfully the Monk pulled of 2 saves and Dangerous Davies hit the winner and we went through 3.1. To cap of a good week for The Davies family Safety Davies came 3rd in The Empire Leak Show. Scott Bin Lid had a great game, he would have won man of the match if he didn’t insist on wearing that stupid baseball cap. Sheep brought 2 baby lambs to football and both the lambs got stung by an angry wasp. Singe tipped water on the lambs and Cat Meat sprayed them with Deep Freeze. Back at the club Joe Gill is brill pinched all the cheese and crackers and Singe and Glenn Bin Lid broke in and then stole Jimmy Kirks Mercedes and went for a drive. They did this to escape from Glenn the soccer hooligans dull stories about golf. And the rumourmill that had been going on all week that Billy Middleton the Ukrainian cage fighter and Tank Watson coming down for a signing on form proved yet again to be nothing other than fake news.
Some of the above are true made up stories.
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Regards
Singe
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