Oxhill Central v Tantobie Oak Tree (league)
3.1 down, 6.3 up
By Singe
Cat Meat was jogging from Newcastle to South Shields with a load of people for charity with Vaseline on his nipples, so Singe was back on match report duty. We were at home for the 5th consecutive week this time against Tantobie Oak Tree where we currently sit 6th in the league table. The main talking point from the week was the horrific video that went viral of our former player Dennis Shaw doing some gay dance with a weird hairnet on his head and Bezz would rather race pigeons than play football. As the Empire Leek Club show is over Safety Davies has told Dangerous Davies that it’s leek pudding, leek soup, fried leek, leek sandwiches, leek ice cream and leek on toast every night for tea next week. Little Luke did his usual trick of not turning up and letting the lads down as he was ‘on the sesh’ and nobody knew where Fisha was. Nobby the cleverest man in all of Stanley turned up to watch and told us how he’s finished 6th form and is now a P.E teacher at Park View School. He spends his days acting as a cheerleader or teaching 11 year old boys how to trampoline. Another random attendee today was Stonka Brown who came to football for the first time in months. He’s had his hair permed and now sports a silver hooped earing; his trainers also have 6-inch soles. Veteran Gav yet again trid to play football with no shirt on and he wore his lasses’ Betty Boo socks. During the warm up Liam Jägermeister smashed the ball at The Monk and knocked his cap off his head. It was Monks turn to bring Singe something to football from his kitchen cupboard this week. Monk brought a Lint Lindor chocolate bar and a ‘doobie’. Next weeks turn is definitely Donnelly the South Moor Messi as he said he’s definitely coming! Elvis said he’s not out for a drink after the game as he’s going to watch the end of the Great North Run. We however know the truth which is he’s off to fill his water bottles up with ‘ocean spray water’ to dye his hair orange again. Apparently Sensible Cap Josh had a fight with Andy Cumbria down The Ball Alley last night and Josh got so animated telling his story that he spat all over Singe. Hec the buffet slayer walked into the goal post and Joe Gill is brill get sent to the sin-bin after 23 minutes of the game for petulance. That’s 2 weeks in a row he’s been sent off. When he was allowed back on the pitch after his 10 minutes where up he ran around with a lighter and 20 cigarettes in his hand. The first half we were rubbish and early in the 2nd half we went 3.1 down. Pee stomped off in the huff and sat in his car where somehow, we pulled the game back to 3.3. Nobby gave Crabstick Coxy some P.E football tips then we somehow won the game 6.3 with 6 different Arch goal scorers that where - Gateshead Dan from Dipton, Dangerous Davies, Liam Jägermeister, Joe Gill is brill, Veteran Gav and Gateshead Scott from Ouston. Duffy 1 didn’t make it to football as he was moving a table and Cat Meat beat Mo Farra in the worst dressed runner competition.
Some of the above are true made up stories
Sent from my iPhone
________________________________
This e-mail (including any attachments) is intended for a specific individual(s) and a specific purpose and may contain confidential information that is private, confidential or protected by the attorney-client or other privilege. If you received this e-mail in error, please immediately delete it from your system without copying it and notify the sender by reply e-mail so that our records can be corrected. Scholle IPN disclaims all warranties and liabilities, and assumes no responsibility for, viruses which may infect an email sent to you from Scholle IPN, and which damage your electronic systems or information. It is your responsibility to maintain virus detection systems to prevent damage to your electronic systems and information.
