Washington Westwood v Oxhill Central (County Cup 1st preliminary round) Name change Last weeks game against Blacky Mill got postponed due to Corona implications with the opposition team being from Gateshead. Saturday tea team we were offered the chance to play Top Club as a late replacement. Cat Meat turned down this opportunity without asking the lads. He said he had turned this down due to him being on the drink up The Shed, he said it was too hard to arrange a game. We will totally ignore the fact that he was in the house playing on his exercise bike whilst watching Sky Sports News, he then also tried to pass the blame onto poor Andy Clark the 80’s pop star for his reluctance to actually want a game of football. We will just have to except the truth that Cat Meat tells lies from time to time, and that we went another weekend without a game after suffering no football for months and months last season. Cat Meat was missing today alongside a whole host of others. Most notable absentee was Dirty Dan who spent last night building a camp in his sitting room and then he couldn’t find the way to his own front door this morning. The others missing really don’t deserve a mention to be honest as we have all just grown tired with the crap excuses. Anyway, enough of that thankfully, todays County Cup match against Durham Premier League side Washington Westwood was finally confirmed on Friday and what a hassle football is going to be now on with more Corona rules and regulations coming to the forefront. No spectators are allowed, all players have to wear a facemask when there not playing and for some bizarre reason we were told we had to wear sock tape the same colour as out socks. Obviously, the changing rooms were out of action again and bizarrely Washington Westwood locked us all inside the ground at 10.25am in an attempt to keep us Covid free. Sensible Cap Josh said he preferred Jelly Babies to Jelly Beans and this upset veteran Gav. Gav was so angry he demanded that he should be called ‘Garry’ from now on. By the way do you know that Gav (Gary) has a cat with only 3 legs. The 4th leg apparently got eaten by a dog 4 years ago. For some implacable reason Bott wore an awful pair of Sunderland shorts, he was late getting to the game today along with Joe Gill is brill, Kei and Monk. Kei stupidly agreed to getting a lift to football from this motley group of people and passively smoked 18 cigarettes on the journey. Schindler said he had a Muller Rice for his breakfast, and he played today with a football up his shirt. Liam Jägermeister wore a snood and 3 surgical masks, and his Dad Pee did nothing but complain on about how hungry he was. The reason for his hunger was he left the burger van in a huff as the que was to long for him to stand around in. Joe Gill is brill has been back on the sunbeds and now looks like Joelinton with his dyed blond hair and brown skin. Joe Palmer the celebrity fan has more bling than former player Coxon and local hardman Billy Spencer. Kyle Northumberland then told us that his real name is Kenneth and Joe Gill is brill said he would rather be called Jinda Gill. The referee demanded to have a look at Sensible Cap Josh’s underpants before he could come on as a substitute. Not sure if he was a fan. As for the game we were really poor. Nobby asked what cup competition we were playing in. basically it’s the biggest cup competition for Sunday Morning football and we have half the squad not giving a fuck and not turning up. We lost 5.2, Monk knocked the opposition centre forward out with a right hook. Kei and Dangerous Davies then asked for a transfer to The Earl Gray and Schindler spent the afternoon on his phone giving someone instructions how to delete his internet browsing history. All in all a pretty poor day.
