Oxhill Central v The Scotch Arms (Jack Grigg cup) Not interested in this weather. This week we were scheduled to play The Scotch Arms in the 1/4 final of the Jack Grigg cup which is still illegally stood behind The Arch bar as we remain holders of the beautiful trophy. For the 3rd week in a row the game due to battle with another storm, this one apparently named Storm Jorge, Kei said he doesn’t like Jorge. There was a number of health scares this week as Gateshead Scott from Ouston told us had contracted Corona Virus of Little Luke, Veteran Gav told us he through he was suffering from a heart attack, Crabstick Coxy hurt his knee again when tackling a 12 year old at 5 a side and Elvis was nowhere to be seen after his 12th birthday bash at Durham with Hec and Chewys Chancers Stanley’s best dressed man. The good news was the return of Donnelly the South Messi and Dirty Dan who made his long awaited return after a 2 year injury to his glass ankle (#DansBack). Sheep and Sensible Cap Josh was also returning from work duties. Singe gave CatMeat some bovril cubes to to help him with his bovril addiction and everyone thought Becks had yet another new tattoo, this time on his face but it turned out to be unwashed toothpaste. As we headed onto the pitch as late as every over 40s Star Rid told us The Scotch lads said “these aren’t interested in this weather” Rid then left because it was cold and windy. Elvis finally turned up glazey eyed and with only 9 fingers. The game kicked off and what can only be described as the windiest 45 minutes of football was played out. Kei and Dangerous Davies kept shaking their heads at the decision to play on in the conditions and we headed into half time 1-0 with the wind behind us for the second half. Sensible Cap Josh done everything in his power to get into the head of The Scotch’s left back while PeeDog showed young Jessie James some dirty videos to rile him up to be a “super sub” and Bezzy was trying to be just like Becks again by having a massive huff. The second half carried on just like the first with plenty wind and plenty over hit passes. Bott has to leave early to get Christened and Clarkey the 80s Pop Star was short in the Hamstring, making space for Dirty Dan and Jessie James to enter the game. An immediate impact was made as Dirty Dans wayward shot was cleverly turned in by Joe Gill is Brill. The wind was now well and truly in The Arches sails as we created chance after chance but could not find that winning goal. Finally in the last 10 minutes a cross from Joe Gill is Brill was turned in by Jessie James to win the game for The Arch. The full time whistle went and we found ourselves in another semi final, of course it was all the fault of Barry AstroTurf the referee. Back at The Arch Jessie James told every man and his dog that he scored the winner, Sheep won the meat draw and Clarkey the 80s Pop Star didn’t turn up to his own Super Sunday. Sensible Cap Josh then threw his phone at Jessie James, Jessie cried and said he didn’t even like drinking. Manager pounder said he could only drink orange and water because of his chest infection. Nobby (the alcoholic teacher) then lead Dirty Dan and Jessie James a stray and they all woke up in bed with Liver. Next week we are at home in the league against The Sunn Inn. This weeks question is: Does anyone know where Ex Manager Jeff was hiding in Consett Stadium? Some of the above are true made up stories (all the above stories are true) #UTA
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