Crawcrook Albion v Oxhill Central (NWD Cup 2nd rnd)
Puffy Managers jacket
We were away to Crawcrook Albion at a place called Clara Vale in the North West Durham Cup, during the week Bezzy proudly told us all to bring a towel to football as the changing rooms at Clara Vale have the best showers he’s ever seen. We travelled over some hills, drove past Stonka Brown who was building a bridge and then we drove up a long farm track to a wooden cricket pavilion. Sadly, there wasn’t a single shower insight so Bezz’s towel sadly went unused. They did have free tea and coffee. In the changing room Killa and Liam Jägermeister sat next to each other and didn’t join in the crack instead they looked at photographs of dogs on there mobile phones. Liam was feeling sad as Cat Meat wouldn’t give him a lift to the game and has told him that he won’t share a room with him on our Euro trip this summer as he would rather share with Ben the Pro. #WorstBoakes and Little Luke both wore Tony Boakes’s big puffy managers jacket, then #WorstBoakes cut his leg on a rusty nail. Little Luke and Dangerous Davies went for a wee together and Cat Meat ate a dog biscuit that he found in Pee’s pocket. Gav doesn’t know what the word savoury means and asked if it was possible to swallow your Adam’s Apple. Killa hurt his foot just before half time and #WorstBoakes went on as his replacement. #WorstBoakes told Bonzo Brown his password for his phone and we had some fun with it until Ex Manager Jeff got angry. Bonzo Brown wanted to know why we were having a water break in the game because it wasn’t hot. Somebody then pointed out to him that we were not having a water break, but it was in fact half time. Killa had to sit on the ground for the rest of the morning with his bad foot stuck up in the air. Cat Meat is fresh from the FA First Aid course and he would rather run around the bushes making stupid noises and eating more dog biscuits than administer any treatment. Bonzie Brown brother of Bonzo Brown also came on as a second half substitute and the watching Mammy Brown spent her time shouting abuse at The Monk instead of encouraging her sons. Cat Meat said watching the Arch was like watching Romania as we won a decent game 3.2 with the goals coming from Gav and Kei with a brace. Joe Gill is brill tried another spectacular overhead kick that yet again didn’t work. Does anyone know what Joe’s new tattoo is? I’ve been informed that it’s on his neck and is the same as the one Tank Watson got put on his neck a few years ago! After the game we went to Ryton’s club house for a pint and a bowl of chicken curry and rice. We all went, well apart from Pee because he’s boring. Little Luke then pranked everyone and got into a fight with Joe Gill and Kei. Instead of coming back to the club Little Luke went back to Cat Meat’s house for a Tesco Pizza (which also upset Liam Jägermeister) and Kei cut his toes off getting out of his car. Today we finally unveiled our new signing which is Jam the gangster, he’s signed for us from the wee club from the East of Stanley for the rest of the season. Jam said he likes Aldi mince for his tea after a game of football.
Some of the above are true made up stories.
-- Regards Singe
www.singevert.vpweb.co.uk
