ButtonMatch Report
Sun 26 Aug, 2018 League
oxhill central fc
0 - 3
Consett the barn
Star player: Kieran Gohery
ReportTeam
Oxhill Central v The Barn (league)
Roof rack
We didn’t have a fixture last Sunday, so Singe went to a music festival at Sedgefield and stalked that reality TV show star Scarlet Moffatt. Scarlet is the lass we met on the ferry to Holland at the start of the summer. Singe got drunk and made a nuisance of himself so Shola the engine had to drive down and rescue him. Sadly, poor shola had to miss Country File on the TV because of this. Meanwhile Cat Meat had cancelled Tuesday night’s game with The Ball Ally and caused an uproar on social media with a few players from a few teams joining in and proclaiming that they all hate us, never mind eh! In better news our former player Ben the Pro made his first team debut for Bradford City in the league cup. So, after a prolonged spell of no football we were finally back in action against the Barn in the league and the main talking point was the absence of Joe Gill is brill. He text manager JP to tell him he spent the night sleeping in his Range Rover in a big city and somebody had built a multi-storey car park around his car during the dead of night and he couldn’t get out as the exit was too small to fit his roof rack through. Joe then said he had to take his roof rack to bits and wouldn’t get back in time for the match. Never mind we wore our new blue and black change kit and looked smart, unfortunately the August Bank Holiday Sunday weather wasn’t good as it chucked it down all morning. Elvis was dressed for winter with his Arch snorkel jacket, Arch hat, Arch scarf and Arch gloves. The Mad Monk also had a kit clash, his yellow keeper top was the same kind of yellow as The Barn’s strip so he had to play in our red and black home top. A shambolic start. Schindler came to watch the first 7 minutes of the game but left because it was raining and because he had a dog to eat for his breakfast. Sheep has a skinhead he looks like a sheared sheep. Duffy 2 and Nobby are bank holiday buddies. 80’s pop star Andy Clark was back from holiday and lucky to be alive after getting stung by a jelly fish. As for the football we were really rubbish and the Barn ran out convincing 3.0 winners. If anybody wants to know what happened to IC the giant, he spends his Sunday nights drinking in the Clock with Chewy’s chancers Stanley’s best dressed man and Celebrity fan Joe Palmer. And to end of this week’s match report the mystery and confusion over the Arch’s oldest goal scorer has now been resolved. Singe said it was him, Tez claimed this statistic for himself, then Carter confessed up and said he’s been lying about his age on social media and he’s actually older than his Facebook account says, and he said the honour was all his. However, the Arch’s oldest goal scorer is in fact Punk Goffy who was 46 years old when he scored for us a couple of seasons ago against The Ball Ally down Tannfield.
Some of the above are true made up stories.
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Regards
Singe
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