Oxhill Central v The Sun Inn (League) The perfect 10 This week we were in league action again as we faced the Sun Inn at home. Worried messages had flared back and forth all week about the health of striker Veteran Gav who admitted himself to hospital on Monday after his health scare last week, thankfully he did declare himself fit enough to play dispite his heart still giving him troubles. Gateshead Scott from Ouston had been cleared of the corona virus and was back available for selection, Az also made a return to the squad. Little Luke had travelled to Scotland to find a magic potion to fix his strain of the virus and Bonzo Brown was still missing with a poorly foot. Clarkey the 80s pop star was still had sore Ham from last week but was fit enough for the bench, he wore an American puffer coat with duck feathers on the hood. All hell broke out in the changing rooms when CatMeat had forgot the sock tape, Pigeon Bez demanded someone to go to mains brothers and purchase some, Pounder followed instruction and supplied Stanley’s finest blue insulation tape. The strips arrived nearly as late as Donelly the South Moor Messi after Pee Dog had a busy morning chasing money spiders and wolf whistling at men coming from the gym. Elvis wouldn’t let the lads warm up with the “good” footballs and CatMeat Singe and PerDog spend Gateshead Scott from Ouston’s subs money in bovril. The game kicked off and we raced into a 3-0 lead with an early goal from Verteran Gav and 2 goals from Kei. The 4th goal was an important one as it was The Arches 100th goal of the season and Elvis had promised whoever scored it could have 5 free pints, Jagermiester Liam missed a glorious chance on purpose because he doesn’t drink. CatMeat kept shouting at Sheep for making mistakes while Veteran Gav finally found the back of the net to win the 5 free pints. Another from Donelly the South Moor Messi seen us march into half time 5-0 up. Veteran Gav asked to come off because his heart was playing up again, he said “a good heart is hard to find so please be gentle with this heart of mine” Despite the wind, Duffy1 came to watch, he’s cut his hair and no longer uses any hair product as he wants to look more like Duffy2 who’s vanished in 2020. CatMeat thought PeeDog was the butcher and asked him for a meat draw ticket. Hec told us that he failed at the Hilltops Buffet challenge on Saturday night so is no longer the buffer slayer, he then got stuck in his jacket as his zips got stuck together. The second half carried on much like the first with Bott and Jessie James scoring early to make it 7-0 after 50 mins. Sheep learned well from Jagermiester Liam and took a huff when Pounder wanted to give everyone a good runout. Ex manager Jeff also took a huff and said winning like this was boring and he was going to watch another game. It didn’t end there as Kei wrapped up his Hat-trick before Gateshead Scott from Ouston made it 9-0 and Veteran Gav returner to the pitch to finish his hat-trick and end the game 10-0. Back at the club, Elvis realised he had man city to win and loose on the same bet, Sheep was still in his huff, Ex Manager Jeff won the meat draw and Veteran Gav enjoyed his 5 free beers. This weeks question is, should CatMeat stop writing the match reports as Dangerous Davies says they are crap. Some of the above are true made up stories (all the above stories are true) #UTA
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On 13 Mar 2020, at 19:34, Paul Elvin wrote:
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