Goodfellas 1 (J.Cresser) - Studz 0 Death Valley Pitch 2 3pm GK: Julz D:Shui, Bear, Frenchy, Ikes M: Belgium, Dave, Dimples, Ced, Garrito S: Justine Subs: Mark & Sandro Desperate Battered Housewife: Bulldog Gentlemen, yesterday was soooo hot I went to see Twilight Eclipse at UA Times Sq just for the air-conditioning. On the way to the game I swear I saw 2 trees fighting over a dog....it was that hot! With only a Baker's Dozen able to drag themselves away from the beach to show up for the game, it was left to Garrito to do the honours and fire up the bagels, croissants and doughnuts (the Belgians invented all 3 by the way) with an inspired team talk which called for 2 touch cut & thrust football, nothing on then go back, switch and build again...and something about Bin Laden & Team America .....1, 2, 3 - Fellas F*ck Yeah! A lively start to the game saw The Fellas settle quickly, from front to back the ball moved crisp and controlled, making a mockery of the surface (it's all psychological chaps). The midfield was spraying passes around, Justine was sublime upfront, holding the ball, linking with the wingers or laying it back for the midfield to push on through the...umm..midfield type stuff. The back four were composed and Julz was working on his tan. Early pressure saw us reduce Studz to relying on their 2 backs sending high and hopeful toe-pokes up field which the back four dealt with admirably. If you think about it, during the course of the season, when we were on our game then 90% of the teams we faced mentalists and regular cameos that make up the back four/five are arguably the best in the league. midfield too. Letting someone know they can square it off sideways or push back through the midfield rather than blazing it out for a throw-in/corner. These are the 1%ers that will see us challenge for glory next year. But I digress, defying the hot conditions we pushed on & our pressure started to tell, some rash late lunges & challenges (notably the one on Ced by the greasy, lank haired englishman with the laughable shirt number of 100 - possibly referring to the number of times in his entire life that he's washed his hair) finally led to a corner from the left. In spite of the awful, awful, awful, awful, awful start that Howie had made (believe me I'm being nice about this) he sent over a glorious in-swinger to the far post roughly 8 yards out from the bye-line. From where I was standing, as the ball left the Big H's foot I caught a glimpse of Justine making one of those curving runs she's always on about at training. Are you with me so far? Good. As 4 defenders stood there ready to clear it 'The Black Pearl' sailed between fore and aft and at full tilt powered a cannon ball of a header into the back of the net that shattered their poop deck. Huzzah! In the time honoured words of Captain Jack Sparrow...."Where's the rum!?" A magical moment that was soon left shipwrecked on the beach as Justine and Dimples proceeded to chest bump, high five and swab each others deck in a horrible Happy Valley Bro-mance. No more f*cking chest bumps please!!!! At this point it's worth noting that minus a 'proven out and out striker', for the rest of the half we proceeded to carve out numerous goal scoring chances through slick 2 touch play that involved the whole front 6. The 2 most notable were when 1) Garrito robbed the keeper in the far left corner of the box, danced round a defender and sent a soaring 25 yard curler towards the top corner only to be denied by a Studz defender making an incredible chase back and header off the bar to clear, and 2) when some great one touch play from defense through the midfield saw Garrito (yes, him again) lay a through ball for the onrushing Ced. A glorious first touch set him up nicely for the killer finish but the keeper to his credit kept himself large and blocked the goal bound shot. Some other stuff happened including Justine falling on a steel peg (possibly left there by 'The Man') and injuring her 'back fan' in the process, and then it was half-time. 2nd half was a bit hazy from what this author can recall, as we dragged ourselves back onto the field Belg took a knee and the Italian Stallion took his place on the right side. Justine soldiered on for another 5 or 10 mins before the call of a fast buck lured him away to the Peak for 90mins of sticking it to 'The Man's' spoiled offspring. Good? He was bloody excellent, before departing the field he had another crack at a header possibly from another one of Shuey's runs down the right or maybe even D-Cheung who somehow finally worked out that the quickest point from A to B was just that, and not f*cking wandering aimlessly from side to side like a crab. But alas it went wide. Speaking of which I jest about Dave, countless gut bursting runs down the right chasing long through balls in that heat brought a tear (or bead of sweat) to this author's eye. Our wee ugly duckling is becoming a graceful swan (with an abnormally large head mind you). So Mark came on in place of the Human Tripod and the band played on. Mark and Sandro brought a bit of life back into the Fellas tired legs and chased, harried and hassled continuously disrupting the Studz back four and left this author thinking if we only had a few more fresh legs we could have pushed on, supported them and put the game away. A chance to put the game away did come from a great run by Shuey which saw a floated back post cross fall to Garrito who stupidly decided to wait to cushion his header into the bottom corner rather than attack the ball a la Cresser, in doing so it left time for a Studz defender to get his Jason Li type fat arse in the way and block it for a corner. Oh the humanity! And oh the post game critique from Bulldog! Another half chance saw Garrito dance round 3 defenders and lay a Cantona-esque chip over the keeper only to watch it bounce agonizingly off the bar for a goal-kick. (this As tired legs took hold Mark came off for Tintin and the Snowy white Scotsman was pushed forward to run around aimlessly in the heat. Despite enduring a late bit of pressure the Fellas held on for a confidence boosting win and the memory that if we back ourselves we are a very hard team to beat even when we only front 13 men in torrid conditions such as yesterday. Notable mentions; Julz; for turning up early (2mins before ko, a personal best) - Shuey; for the runs & crosses - Bear; for turning in another solid performance despite that haircut - Frenchy; for the comical Daft Punk headphones - Ikes the Navy Seal; for taking time out from lunch with Obama to win the war against long balls - Belg; for inventing football - D-Cheung; for finally going forwards in a straight line - Dimples; for coming back from his worst 25mins ever on a football field - Ced; for putting his body on the line again & again despite the ongoing recovery from his Botox operation (listed officially as 'collar-bone' on his company insurance form) - Garrito; for preserving his Torres-esque goal drought (and for once not getting into a verbal slanging match with Justine about where the bloody rum is!!??) - Justine; for that goal and Didier style hold up play and majestic c*ck - Mark; for the continued pressure & cigars he will bring to Trafalgar tonight when we watch Chelsea destroy the Scum - Sandro; for putting the Gladiator back into Italian football - Bulldog; for defying Eddie Vedder and not to 'go out & find a better team' but sticking with us like the trooper he is - Hot chick in the hot pants; for giving this author a wink late in the 2nd half as he was about to take a throw-in (this may have been a mirage due to the heat but this author likes to think it went down like that). Thought for the day; Fellas turnout - nothing to play for but everything to give, I tips my hat to you all... Seriously guys, if we don't all chip in, we'll never pay that bill. Winning the Legal League don't come free, there's a hefty f*cking fee...and if you don't throw in your buck o' five, who will? Hot chicks in hot pants...f*ck yeah! Linkage; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waRtcBy_GMI do me a favour, you've read this far, so please listen to this, despite the fact that our generation's comparable Hitler is dead, keep an eye on our so called leaders of the 'Free World' - they might just be the next generation's dictators.... . Goodbye Seve...thanks for the memories.
