It's another round of ESPN's Football Focus the show which brings you deep, analytical insight into the complex world of seven-a-side football and now here's our host John Dykes.
John Dykes: Good evening everybody and welcome to another edition of Football Focus the show that brings you, well you've heard it all before haven't you? Let me introduce to you are stellar panel first up the manager of Arsenal football club Arsene Wenger.
AW: Hellooo, well John I didn't zee ze incident.
JD: We haven't even started yet.
AW: Just practicing.
JD: And joining him is Man. Utd managed Alex Ferguson
SAF: That's Sir to you pretty boy! And remember I'm owed a Chateau Neuf de Pap after this is all done.
JD: Yes sir.
AW: You knooow, you should be more polite to zis host Alex, it shows a distinct lack of soul in your character.
SAF: F&!k youse Arsene!
JD: And finally we have Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez.
RB: Jes
JD: Rafa, put down that pie.
RB: Oh Jes, sorry.
JD: Paul Masefield was supposed to join up today but he died in an unfortunate accident. He fell into a vat of mayonaise and ate himself. Apparently his last words were 'hmmm I taste like beef'. Anyway on to our match goodfellas vs fortune. Let's run through the line-up.
AW: Weeelll, Pepsi started in goal and zere waz Darryl and Parker at the back, Jeetu, Jason and Oka in ze midfield and Bear or Spenny up front (i theenk) in a 2-3-1 formation which gives the team a strong 'W' shape between the midfield and defence.
SAF: Ah see that's where they went wrong, going with that 'W' thing.
AW: What do you meeean?
SAF: Well 'W' is the first letter in the name 'Wenger' now how can you trust a system like that?
AW: Zat makes no sense!
SAF: What do you mean? Hoighty-toighty professor Arsene doesn't think it makes sense? I have to question your intelligence Arsene.
AW: Stop it, you are trying to play ze childish mind games with me.
SAF: F*%k youse Arsene! And Rafa put that burger down!
RB: Oh, Jes, sorry.
JD: Anyway gentlemen, let's have a look at the first goal, it came in from a corner from Jeetu and Darryl leapt like a young salmon to head the ball into the net, Rafa your thoughts on the goal?
RB: More mayo please, huh? oh jes, it was a good corner by heetu, jes? He put it right on a plate for Darryl to head it into the net...mmmmm plate.
AW: What you did not zee on the zideline was Adrian jumping even higher after Darryl scored ze goal.
SAF: I'm surprised you saw that Arsene, but Adrian did jump to the moon and back, if I didn't know any better I'd say the boy was in love with Darryl.
AW: Yes Darryl, be afraid, be very afraid.
JD: And now on to the equaliser a ball that was lifted into the box and Fortune's forward nipped in and dinked a header over Peps and into the back of the net.
SAF: Clear offside!
RB: Jes, but no there're no offsides in 7-a-sides.
SAF: F£$k youse fatboy! Clear offside, no argument! Now where's my gum?
JD: So um one all there then came the second goal for Fortune. So Sir what do you make of that?
SAF: *chew chew chew* to much space *chew chew chew* given to the lad *chew chew chew* had time to put the shot away *chew chew chew* and it squirmed under the keeper's body *chew chew chew*
AW: I did no zee ze incident. Actually I deed but I am contractually obliged to say that at least twice on camera.
SAF: *chew chew chew* this gum is going off *chew chew chew* need more.
JD: So, two-one at the break. There were a few subs that came on, Alex Mc came on up front, Thariq came on for Jeetu on the right, Bear went in goal and Peps came out into midfield. we go on to the third goal for Fortune and a well constucted goal too.
AW: Well, yes zey passed theee ball around very confidently, much like Arsenal, and zey probed and probed, much like Arsenal...
RB: Jes, but they actually took a shot and scored in the bottom corner, unlike Arsenal, haha jes I made the joke funny no?
AW: F%&k you Rafa.
SAF: *chew chew chew* That's an absolute disgrace *chew chew chew* cussing a good man like that.
AW: What? but you did it too!
SAF: *chew chew chew* What're you on about Arsene? *chew chew chew* I'm an honourable man who treats other managers with respect *chew chew chew*
RB: Jes
SAF: F$%k youse Rafa and put that hotdog down!
JD: The Fellas did have a few scoring opportunities of their own though.
AW: Tim Parker had a couple of headers on goal, Alex had a few shots...
RB: Jello shots?
AW: Uh no.
RB: Oh, shame.
AW: Alex Mc had a few shots on goal, one which skimmed the top of the bar and Pepsi took on a few from outside ze area which ze goalie did well to save.
JD: But the final goal came from Fortune again.
SAF: *chew chew chew* well they had a shot well saved by bear *chew chew chew* and pushed onto the post *chew chew chew*
AW: But ze ball rebounded in.
RB: Jes, very unlucky...now where's my dessert?
JD: So the final score was Fortune 4 Goodfellas 1. Any thoughts on the game?
AW: Well I theenk zey are still getting used to playing competeetive 7-a-side games. It will take zem a while to get used to it but zey look like zey will get the hang of it sooner rather than later.
SAF: *chew chew chew* actually 3-1 cause one goal was offside *chew chew chew* anyway the ref was a disgrace he *chew chew chew* he clearly didn't add enough injury time *chew chew chew* I calculated a good 90 minutes on my watch and Rafa!
RB: Jes, Jes I know put the banana split down.
JD: So that about wraps it up for this edition of Football Focus I'd like to thank my guests, Arsene...
AW: Merci
JD: Rafa
RB: *Burp*
JD: And Sir
SAF: F^&k youse!
JD: Thank you all and good night.
