The Warriors Of Wren, from the darkest depths of Kidderminster were the guests at the home of the Mighty Vale. Pay back time! It was this very fixture last season that the Vale HAD to win to get promoted from the bottom of the kiddy league barrel into the not so bottom of the very same barrel. Unfortunately, the game ended in a draw, the Vale were waiting on other results going their way. They did not. Once again, for the second season running, the Vale missed out on league glory by 1 measly point. This time, there was 6 points up for grabs, and the Warriors of Wren were getting none of them!!!!!!
The teams ran out onto the pitch into the freezing temperatures of a usual Stourport Sunday morning, happy to get out of the even colder temperatures of the changing rooms in Mostyn Mires. It seemed the entire Wrens Nest starting eleven had been to an Al Murray look-alike competition the night before, and not been home to change! The winner was almost definitely the number 4 who was playing at the back. Laan looked please to find that his nose could run faster than the very defender that would be marking him!
Vale started their warm up by introducing 2 new faces to squad. "Everyone please state your name and where you come from!" said the Slovakian. People wondered why he requested this, then it became clear. "Dan from Worcester" came the first cry. "Matt from Stourport" came the next! "Rupert from.........", hold on, Rupert! As in the Bear? From the Frog Song? We all sing together, BOM BOM, and all that? So the Slovak's friend had come to play for us, and thought it would be good for the teams morale to have a good laugh together, at Rupert?s (I?m laughing even just typing this!) expense.
The teams lined up on the pitch, raring to go! Chomping at the bit, scuffing their hooves, Pete blowing his nose on his shirt (and looking at it afterwards, yuck!), revving their engines, straining at the lease, waiting for the whistle! But wait, where is the goddamn ref? Is the wanker in the black wanking out the back? what is going on. A quick phone call to "Refs For Hire - Give Us A Whistle When You Need Someone With A Whistle!" and the game kicked off just a few minutes late.
As this was the first game of two to be played today, the mighty Vale seemed to step off the gas just a bit. Not challenging as hard, or running as fast, or kicking the ball very accurately. Nothing new there then! Cant really remember much of what happened during the first half. Matt tripped over a mole halfway into the Warriors of Wren's half and screamed like a woman who has just given birth to a ginger haired child. The ref blew his whistle, free kick! Bad decision, the mole never touched him! Camo, the Roberto Carlos he is, grabbed the ball and placed it right on top of a mole hill. 35 yards, no problem. From previous experience of the Guv's free kicks, it seemed like a long shot, no pun intended. The wall was placed, Camo looked the keeper in the eye, and like the ending scene from Major League, he pointed towards the goal. The cheek of him! The crowd went silent, both of them! Camo ran up to the ball. It was like slow motion, only it was real time! The ball headed towards the goal, seemed like it was going top corner. Alas, it was curling well wide, to the disappointment of the Vale attack. But no, wait, the keeper tried to stop the ball from going out, tripping over his own eagerness, the ball spilled from his hands to bounce over line, 1-0.
This produced many arguments. Camo insisted it was always going top corner, everyone else insisted it was not. Only one man knows for sure, but no-one believes him!
30 mins gone, half time, or quarter time if you like! On came a new face, I think his name was Dean Torvill, his first appearance for the Vale. Unfortunately, he forgot his boots, so we managed to get hold of a pair of ice skates. Also, Rupert (snigger) and Stu got the nod to come on, giving some people a much needed rest for the second game.
The game got underway again, with the Vale looking to cement the first 3 points of the day. Somebody picked up the ball in midfield for the MV, saw Laan Davidos and zipped a pass along the ground at pace for him. Luckily the Slovak was standing next to the Wren?s number 4, who was too busy making sure his Al Murray First Place Rosetta was still in place to notice what was happening. Laan jumped over the ball, obviously knowing that Mick the whippet was ready to set off down the wing like a, erm, whippet! Laan then headed towards the edge of the box waiting for the clinical cross from the red headed wonder. The ball came in! Oh no, Mick has played it behind him! Laan managed to check his pace, dragged his foot back and hit the ball from a whole yard behind his body. The net nearly burst, 2 - 0. The most prolific striker that the MV has ever seen just bagged his 83rd competitive goal for the club he loves so much!
Nothing much more interesting happened in the game really. The 2 new boys did well. Rupe (as we now call him!) got stuck in and did not put a foot wrong. Dean Torvill did a few of figure of 8's and a couple of fantastic toe loops towards the end of the game. Mick lost a mole, which Matt ripped of his white freckly torso when he wasn?t looking thinking it was the one that fouled him in the first half.
Today promised a full 2 hours of silky skills, perfect passes and sublime shots! Total Football is what you would call it. Total "something else" is what actually occurred.
Attendance - 1 man and his dog, but they left at half time to mow a meadow.
