It’s the 28th January. A well earned rest last week following the stresses of football following the frivolities of Christmas left the Vale in high spirits. Unfortunately the spirits evaporated in the face of today’s task, the Vale nemesis that is Mostyn Rangers Reserves. Not in thirty two years of rundowns has the Vale had so much as a sniff off their pitch sharing brothers… but not brothers in the pally pally, lets get drunk together when we’re grown up way, but the neverending torment of terminal bullying of little brothers akin to when they around 10 years old, the systematic destruction of ones character by perpetual harassment and beatings.
Anyway good to see that there’s a full strength side to meet this stalwart Mostyn team, albeit with several players missing and no-one available to ref. Bang goes the Vale’s only substitute but at least we’ll have a leg up on the opposition… no wait, it’s Paul “so honest he’d shop his own mum” Thomas retrieving his silver whistle from hidden pocket in shorts and quickly brandishing Rupert a pre emptive yellow card for his inevitable backchat. Ho well, off to a bad start. With no Ginge to pick the team, Danbo ably stepped up and stuck himself up front with Laan. Well, we all remember what happened the last time he was up there… lets just say Kiddy casualty is still backed up with split sides from the wayward shooting from the flipmo.
And away they go, bish bash bosh and quickly Laan was on the receiving end of something I didn’t see. He seemed winded though, and luckily zen master Big Fat Ho in centre back was on hand to help “control your breathing”. The game could go either way, Herpes for the Mostyn was being sorted out by the combination of Dom and Brew in the combined role of Dewey at centre back, and the lads looked potentially dangerous going forward, well I suppose anything is potentially dangerous though, a cuddly toy is potentially dangerous if force-fed to a startled child… anyway a fluffed kick from the Mostyn keeper fell to Ru who dinked a half volley over the top to Laan, two steps and he hit across the keeper to go one up. Get in. Eat that Mostyn.
Ten minutes later and the Vale concede, yes you guessed it, from a set piece. A free kick on the edge of the box was curled in over the top of everyone including the able keeper Andy. Arse. 1-1.
Half time came and went with no input from any coaching staff… there was a little insight from the ref, some might see this as underhand but the Vale are amenable to all methods utilised to win.
Five minutes into the second half and Rupert yet again made some space in the middle of the park. A ball was scuttled through and Flippedy flipmo flailed after it. A comedy mixup by defender and keeper deflected the ball through and back to the startled captains boot. Five yards out and open net, we all knew what was going to happen… no it went in!! 2-1 Get in.
The Vale started to flex their growing love muscle. Brew took control of the back line, shouts for the header were coming out before the ball had left the Mostyn keepers foot, then a gravity defying hangtime jump would be exercised. Flopsy shot down the left and whipped in a slidey cross with zip, attempting to take Laan’s head off, Rupe muttering his approval. Chuff constantly reduced the Mostyn right side to tears by taking on five people and still getting out with the ball. Then it happened. A quick through ball was met by Herpes and bosher slipped past Andy for the equaliser. Arse.
Everybody knew what was required. A step up was needed, that second gear, an extra 2%, Rupert got stuck into the Neanderthal man and got a bit back, the fella clearly uncomfortable with his modern day surroundings and taking it out on the Vale team. Laan gave Andy some constructive criticism “If its in your box come and f**king get it you t**t” returned with interest by the keep.
Then the breakthrough, with 8 minutes to go, a lofty throughball from the Flipmo was nodded on by Laan, over the keeper and all that was left was a bit of leaning on the defender and the ball tucked itself nicely into the net. 3-2.
Bogey team? Pah. Bogeyman more like…
