There's been a few arguments recently in the web-team's office, and the subject is an old one - who's got the longest?
The Nobbler claims his is the longest. The Gobbler says his is not only the longest but will be longer the next time we cast our eyes over it.
What is for certain, though, is that all of the web-teams offerings have got much longer recently, some so long that its almost impossible to reach the end.
Yes I mean the length of the match reports. Much too big.
So to bring an end to this macho report writing (and easy innuendo) yours truly, the Tickler, never famed in the past for a particularly long insert, will keep this one nice and short, cute, petite - a weener.
Though saying that, there is plenty to report on this one - but first let's recap.
The Vale came into this game bottom of the league, just one league goal, one draw and a hat-full of losses. In fact many things were not quite right - the amount of goals Laan had put in was only just less than the average age of his girlfriends (that's low) and Mick was given man-of-the-match one game. Things needed to change.
After a change of fortune in the last cup game, could the Vale turn their season around? Well you know the score, its in the headline, so the answer is yes.
And what a start to the match it was. It didn't take too long before Laan was cutting down the left wing, beating the defence, slipping the ball to big Paul (Paul - what the f**k is he doing there, he was in goal last week?!!) who un-selfishly tapped it to…to… oh Christ its smelly Mick, un-marked, with an open goal. The Vale turned back to get ready for the goal kick. But…what’s that… did he slip over… something went wrong, because the ball went from Mick's boot and into the goal. No need for any testicle intervention, it’s a goal to the Vale!
1-0
So, good start. Goal tally for the season doubled. But could it be that easy?
Captain Ratty Boy was thoroughly annoying the opposition with his tackling and heading. To be honest I'd have probably headbutted him at one point, if I was them, but that's an aside. Anyway, he slots the ball down to gougerooney, who fires a lovely ball over to the middle. Goalatsio, Laanos Davidos!
2-0
Its worth mentioning at this point The Vale's brand new linesman Andrew Smith fresh from the Abberley Vale Linesman Academy. This is a new charity recently set up to help underprivileged and disabled children by letting them run the line for Abberley Vale. Sunday's game saw Andrew "Barney" Smith from Stoke run the line for the Vale for the first time. As you could see he was enjoying every minute, bless him. The Vale even let him have a drink in the Manor after the game before sending him back to the home. A day he would never forget - if it weren't for his terrible mental problems.
The next action saw Gerry with a lovely ball through to Laan, with Paul standing offside just to annoy the opposition. Laan smacked it as hard as he could at the keeper, who was unlucky to let it in.
3-0
Then a moment of magic and the Vale goal of the season so far. Keeper Andy kick's out to Paul, a perfect flick on to Laan just in the opposition half. What's he going to do? Run at the keeper? Sprint down the wing and cross? Well he couldn't be arsed with either, so settled for just tw*tting it. Not sure exactly how far out he was but the goal went in from… ooohhh about… 300 yards. Chipped the keeper beautifully! What a goal. What a half. The Vale were flying.
4-0
You probably remember at the start I mentioned trying to keep the report short… I know its too long already. I'll speed up.
Half-time it was 4-1. The OC got a sneaky goal because "its bounced in front of me" (A Viney).
Would the OC mount a come-back? Well the game took a sour note in the second half. Bitching and moaning (Brewin to Mick - "you've got to learn how to head the ball". Laan to Mick - "That's probably the worst header I've ever seen"). Then the fouls. Smudger at the back got stamped on and then Danny Ratty boy gets the headbutt. See I told you he should, earlier! But forget that… its what happened next… hee hee… Brewin.. ha ha.. kicked.. oh god it was funny…. The ball…. HAAA HAAAA… at their player… oh my god we laughed… it missed (typical)…. and then… ha ha ha… hit the ref!!!!! SSSOOOO FUNNY. He took a hell of a dive! 9.9!!! Gold medal winning!
Their guy got sent off, Dan nose bleed..blah blah….. But the ref falling over !!! Ha ha !!!!
Right must get faster.
Mick scored. No Sh*t, he did. Composed too. Weird.
5-1
Then Laan hit again.. a lovely ball through from Brewin, and Laan went for the smack it at the keeper thingamy. Never fails.
6-1
Then Smelly has it on the wing and all he can hear is "MICK MICK MICK MICK!!" Sounding like one of the seagulls from Finding Nemo. Anyway, ball gets played through to Smudger, one on one, he's obviously been watching Laan, smack it right at the keeper - goal.
7-1
And that’s how it ended. Other things to mention would be Andy's 20 yard circular run in his area (lets face it, 7-1, he got bored), a friendly hug from a linesman, Scouse Dave came to watch and Danny had red snot.
The Tickler
