Roll up roll up ladies and gentlefolk, its really is a special day in the Mighty Vale campaign this year, there’s things at stake today, things like pride, Mothers Pride that is ha ha ha, nice one, well worked, sucked them in, smacked it down, Mothers Pride, that’s flour you know. Yes its Derby Day, the Vale have to travel to the adjacent pitch to take on arch local rivals and nemesis to the Vale, Areley Kings.
After picking up nil points in the first leg earlier this season, although probably deserving more, and on the back of a crap run which has seen the Vale pick up 3 points from a possible 30, it would take a mammoth effort for the Vale to pull their socks up, mainly due to the fact that the new socks purchased at the start of the season are tighter than the cunny of a bunny, and a virgin lop eared dwarf wabbit at that.
Team news, first and second choice keepers both out but stone the crows its John Taft who’s decided to play with a ball shaped like a ball, and not a ball shaped like an egg. Also Ex Gaffer Camo shocked everyone my announcing his retirement on Thursday but starting at centre half on Sunday, replacing the no show Brew. Now regulars Shane and Chris get the nod, Dan Roo and Matt make up the midfield, Geri and Chuff frustrated at full backs and Doofy up front. Nay bad again.
From the first whistle there was a confident air to the Vale, Smudger looked fully in control picking up the youngster up front, space was abundant for Chris and Dan, although Chris payed productive football, Dan just stood in the middle of the field. Laan threw a pass out to him which Dan persued like an enthusiastic puppy but rather than quickly breaking down the pitch, he ran round and round the ball before losing interest and cocking his leg up the medical bag.
It seemed like the Vale were getting a grip, but no goal. Steady pressure, some chances, corner on the right. Chuff runs to receive it short, dummies the pass back then cuts back to the goal line, acres, drills the ball across and its Jim Robinson on the end to tap in. Nice, 1-0 at half time.
It didn’t look like its was going to be a big scoreline, but surely this is in the bag? Camo off bad back, Danbo into the back four, Paul Richborther on left mid running on in the red kit he’d worn to bed the night before to maximise lie in time, only to discover we were playing in the blue. Tough titbags there Paulo.
Second half, and its expected to be another controlled, patient performance, subtly probing, keeping possession, playing the waiting game, looking for clear chanc GAOOLAAALL! Errr, right, quick recap, Shane to Laan, knocked back to Geri, played down the line, Laan collects wide right, uses Micky’s tappy run tap runt ap and lets rip, 20 seconds in, 2-0.
Some mild attacks from the opposition soaked up well by Steveo with the Wall of Taft behind, ably steam rollering any threat, including the 16 stone belly bounce from Meatloaf, and some mock boo hoo hoo’s towards the end.
And then Shane’s through at the other end, good shot saved low by the keeper, but its out again falling to Shanes right bootNNONONONOOOOO PENALTGOOOAAAL!!! Quick recap. Seeing Shane lining up against an empty net Matt took his chance, pulled down Shane’s shorts and nuggied his head before flushing his head down the bog then tapping in, denying Shane his debut Vale goal. Everyday’s a school day though.
Shane off for Jay cloth who spent the remainder of the game offside.
Other notable notations: Crusty / Angry kid playing at the back, Dan getting a kick up the arse, Steve having a numb arse, Laan’s face like a slapped arse, handballs a plenty but no whistle, and 6 points on the board. Well done you, my special ickle Vale....good doggy.
The Gobbler
