So how the hell do we remember the match reports ssoooo long after the game. Well, we don't. This is a bit of a guess, but here goes.
I, the tickler, took my usual place in the bushes by the pitch to watch the game (dangerous position as sometimes the captain has a habit of crapping pitch-side) to watch the Vale play the other not-so-good Broadway team. Today I was with my son, Fiddler, who was accompanting his old man to learn the ways of reporting. Next season, you see, the Tickler is off to report on New Zealand beach volleyball and Mauri mating rituals the other side of teh world. Fiddler will be taking my place.
So I was sat there next to my kiddy, Fiddler.
The game started with a "spot the deliberate mistake" round. danny "bandy legs" Brothwell, who has obviously proven his goalscoring ability was playing up-front. We are still laughing about it in the office.
The broadway started as all teams in this league - 100 mph, no sense of humour, deadly serious and then knackered after 20 minutes of susteained excitment.
Vale scored through....errr...lets say... Laan... from somewhere on the pitch with a part of his body.
Nice 0-1
Then we scored again.
Then crisis struck. Brewin made a tackle rather like one that gave a penalty away just a few weeks before out on the right wing. The player took off like a car accident victim and was falling back down towards brewin lying below.
Now I'm no mathematician, but in that split secong while the player was in the air, I thought:
Assuming the player weighed 88 kilos and started stationary from a height of 1.2 metres above Brewin. Gravity is assumed to be 9.81m/s^2. This would mean that the player would hit Brewin at a verticle velocity of 4.8 m/s. This would give him a momentum of 422.4 kgm/s.
Now I'm not Doctor, but in that split secong while the player was in the air, I thought:
The Supraspinatus tendon in the shoulder rotator cuff's attachment to the coracoid process and its subsequent attachment to the Clavical is not able to withstand impacts from such a momentum.
I was right. Dislocated collar bone.
The game went on without poor Brewin who has never been seen since.
Another goal from, errr, Laan sent the Vale far into the lead, but they got one back just before half time.
1-2
It therefore took a piece of indvidual genius in the second half to give vale the 3-1 cushion that saw Broadways heads drop so far they almost came off.
Mick down the wing. Gliding gracefully towards the box. Spots Laan. The ball bobbles a good foot. Huge miss-kick. Goal. Lucky git, there he goes again.
Really can't remember anything now. Laan got another and I reckon so did Jerry, who ran all day, some may say like a pacemaker. Gerry the pacemaker...
I'll finish. We won 5-1. Laan hatrick and Danny stared up front!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
