Well its all a bit foggy, staring back through the mists of time and the boozy haze of Christmas in a desperate attempt to glimpse shadows of the past, echoes of a legendary game fought betwixt man et man. Well here goes…
Twas Vale vertois the OC, foes of old on the shitty Spenalls pitch, and its set to be a hard fought affair. Finally the Vale have got a steady team out and some confidence, and are starting to believe….yes….believe.
Pulling on the shirt today, its Sofie, Pete and Geri flanking full backs around the Cameister and a return for Brew. The back four has flair, strength skill, footballing brains, and a collection of STD’s. Marvellous. Danbo plays left, Chris right, Roo and Matt fighting the good fight au centrale. Nice balance between balls and breast. And upfront at the tip of Abberley Vale erection there’s japs eye Laan and a bit of probing pre cum Bowling Shane, bring it on OC, get those legs a kimbo and your bonnet ready for a good hard shag from the Mighty Vale sex sword. Eherm. No Chuff bros. so Stu and Ringo are drafted last minute into the foray, and Stu is promptly handed the flag.
Ernie Pyke held the whistle, but had only recently been defrosted after being cryogenically frozen following a mishap flying kites with Mary Poppins, and at his own admission would find it difficult to run around when one has ice cubes in ones blood vessels.
Immediately the back four look utterly in control and Matt and Roo take the game by the scruff. A bit of tooing and froing, a couple of half chances, free kick edge of the box after Shane threw down the wrong un and up steps Brew. As Brew lined it up Dan woke up a bit cold, and seeking some shelter from the wind curled up at the feet of the wall and promptly nodded off again. Thankfully this was enough to distract wall and keeper, and Brew calmly passed the ball into the open net….at approximately 90 miles an hour. Dan woke up, trundled back to the half way line and curled up again on a mole hill.
The second half saw things liven up a bit more, the Vale missing opportunities to put the game out of reach and the OC realising the door was open, but afraid of where it led. As the game opened up Chris had more space down the right, and Dan was again disturbed from his slumber and reacted as only a cornered mother hippo would protecting her young, by rolling around in the mud. This coupled with insightful commentary from Gingere raised the temperature, and the OC thought they’d hit the bar to further raise excitement.
Roo started humming eye of the tiger which always seems to get Matty going, Geri made monkeys of over eager opposition beavers, Brew had a shot from the half way line which got a general murmur of approval, so Matt had shots from everywhere, which was also greeted with encouragement.
Ringo came on, and after a sharp throw and a shout of hit it, caught it on his thigh and timed a beauty just over the bar. The Vale seemed to relax, and the OC had one last ditch flurry of corner and scramble which was just kept out by sharp blocking by Andy, Geri, Pete and Camo all in quick succession.
Chris had the chance to seal it with a smart through ball which left him one on one, but the pitch was bad and Chris was knackered, and the ball went over.
Unused sub Stu cursed under his breath, and is unlikely to be coaxed out of bed in the near future, but it was three points, and Laan was happy, as proved by the following gag:
Scene – in pub after game, someone needs a chair, there’s a spare chair with an old blokes hat on it…
“Is anyone sat here mate?”
Laan – “Make the hat stand”.
Genius.
