It all started on the Saturday morning as we gathered our biggest squad of the season in Wednesbury Wethers to engage in a jaunt to the town of Kidderminster to celebrate (yet again) the forthcoming wedding of our increasingly plump 'striker' (Indeed Im beginning to think his wedding night is the next time he will score )- even Casso looks anorexic standing next to him. Players , Managers, In Laws , Ex-Players and Pensioners crammed into the minibus and even then we had to order an overflow taxi into farmer country . Wetherspoons again as we hit town with glares in our direction through the busy market place . The beers on tap were already getting to me Bombardier- Abbotts- Hobgoblin ....playing havoc with my heartburn and my brain ( Im shakin as I pen this article) . Several pubs in town and all the usual distractions .Quiz Machines (gaz) Bookies (Ben) Kebab Shops (casso) Old Ladies (Neil) . Real Ales(Baz) ...all the ingredients of a good session . Several bars around the centre of varying character ....the 'wine bar' had only us in it and a tasty barmaid but a very convenient 'stage' on which the group photo took place ,all of us still standing at this stage .
Even more entertainment ensued with the Grand National and then the usual Saturday afternoon football programme to provide secondary amusement to the serious business of getting mullered. A slight hitch in one boozer where the wanker of a gaffer (once he'd took our readies) , objected to our presence as we lit a candle in his memory , swiftly moving on as PC Adams smoothed things over. A tray of shots in another Sports Pub got the the party going and by now we were admittedly getting louder , attracting several admiring glances from the Kidderminster Blue Rinse Brigade through the cobbled streets. As planned, Colin was in full costume , enjoying the sensual feel of a flowerey lycra dress in addition to various feminine items in his favourite shade of Pink .The Baggies pulled off a much neeeded victory at Norwich (away wins are compulsory when in Kiddy) ; The only thing missing really was fanny , and this was duly rectified in our final watering hole .......The legendary Corn Exchange .
Now for Kiddy virgins this is the pub where we turn up every year absolutely pissed as it welcomes us with Karaoke , good humour and a dance floor . This year was certainly no exception as the Stag do antics lifted by a few notches . Within seconds we hit the mid afternoon disco scene as Baz showed his age with a swift boogey to a Northern Soul Classic as Ian got the beer in . From entering the pub to leaving , what happened was one of the most surreal situations I have ever witnessed in my 57 years on the planet . The karaoke man without a Karaoke machine let Hickers take over first with a few classics and some of the local slappers started to show an interest in the Black Country meat . As us married guys obviously kept well clear ..yes we hit the dance floor with a vengeance , Andy in particular impressing the local with his slimy hip thrusts .
One particular lady ( in her sixties at leat ) was a little over enthusiastic with her level of participation allowing one and all to sniff various parts of her anatomy (even if they didnt really want to) . The principal object of her desires ( she was the closest thing to Hannibal Lecter I have seen ) was of course the Stag , who was forced to endure several lude acts , while everyone helped out in attending to her spanking fetish . I dont want to lose membership on this site ,so I will save you the details but what happened next did involve a pair of Carrockers(Bens pronunciation) a disappearing thong and a can of Lynx . It did become a bit of a blur I have to say but enough to say that we all had a great time and Ive probably forgotten most of the details . As the Karaoke man declared it the greatest afternoon of his life (he got paid a mint for doing fuck all) and a pair of pensioners in the alcove had a scrap , we all had to leave back to the conurbation . Some of us made it up to the Con Club for a great evening and I will conclude this match report with the summary of the next days football game . We were shit .
