The eagerly awaited cup match against Tunbridge Wells United was yet another walk in the park. Many of the T.wells lot, (or as i like to refer to them as Tunbridge Wells United reserves- seems as we should be called their first team as all of the good players they ever had saw the light and transferred for record signings to the mighty B&A) refer to the game as 'against arch rival Blackham', however none of us see it like that because let's face it they are not even fit to lace our boots and it is a farce that they got promoted last season after they finished 5th! Although to be fair they will get relegated this season and be back down to where they belong, no offence to any team in the league below-i'm sure you're al better than t.wells ressies too.
With Adam Harrison given permission by the coach to go away for a few days to clear his head about the sleepless nights he's been having regarding 'that' penalty he gave away not so long ago in the dying seconds of the game, we had Alice Cooper filling in for him at left back. Needless to say all this moaning that Ads does saying how much he does for the club, blah, blah, blah where none of us listen and think he's talking almost the same amount of rubbish as Ralph does, came and bit us in the arse as we turned up with no keys to the changing room, no pegs for the goals and no clips for the net!So on behalf of all at B&A i would like to apologis for the crap we give you Adam and now see that we would fall apart without you!
Anyway to the game...
The match kicked off in full spirit and the B&A boys put the ressies on the back foot right from the start. It was clear that Bayley was there to prove himself fit to the gaffer and coach after an extremely serious operation last weekend, having a skin graft that was supposed to keep him out for at least a month, however a miraculous recovery and guts showed his true red and black colours as he was determined to play! And play he did, he was fantastic in the middle of the park, strong on the ball and making some good solid tackles, along with winning a lot in the air considering he is only 4ft 2 weighing in at 8 stone!
Burt and Thom thumb where immense as usual flying into tackles and smashing people, Burt truly is one of the hardest players i've seen in a red and black shirt apart from hench Gandhi Jefferies but that obviously goes without saying. Both of which i personally was very proud of when they where mouthing off the hillbilles in gold.
We broke away a couple of times only for Gozzy to be pulled offside on a number of occasions, many of which when he had started his run in his own half and had their full 11 players in front of him, shock that Ralph was lino or should i say wino, because that is literally all he did for the whole game, saying that if i was manager of that shambles excuse for a team then i'd moan a lot more than i already do too. However there is no excuse for being an out and out C word, especially if you are an official referee, which he does like to shout about, saying 'give over gozzy i'm a ref'...yes you are a ref however you are one that bottles penalties, bottled playing against us by faking an injury, bottled being honest and just accepting that gozzy is better than all of your players put together and also i have recently been informed about a comment that he wrote on their match report at the end saying 'neil knows that i would knock him out', neil took this on the chin and just laughed at the overweight bottle job as we all know where our money would be going if we bet on that fight, but as soon as the bottler starts to show some sort of backbone he then quivers with the fear that neil would maul him that he changes the end of the report to something soft!
Hobbit broke through on goal middle of the first half and cooly slotted past the ever growing old yorkie, who to be fair had a very strong game. An emergency signing at the back for the ressies with Hammer an older player but very good technically meant we had to avoid him in order to successfully attack. The main way to do this was through there useless number 5 Jim, he was absolutely awful and taking it round him was like taking candy from a baby, it was embarrassingly easy, we even said at half time that if we are going to lose possession make sure it falls to him as he is that bad that we will get it back.
Their welsh player was also giving it as usual by leaving in his leg in every tackle and throwing out elbow only for junior slade to laugh at him as he is now a tank and would eat him after his recent gyming with rob harrison, he even has the tattoo to prove his 'strength'! nice guy neil also took a disliking to this hobo looking player and for his actions threw the ball at his chest, which put him in his place as he ran around like a wounded puppy after that.
Their best player by far, Rob, put in more effort than he did the week before when he walked out on his team during the game with no subs left when they where only 1-0 down, resulting in them playing with 9 men and conceding two more- good to see the captains leading by example by the way, however he was halted every single time in the match as smithy had some new shorts on which had amazingly deep pockets, which is where Rob stayed for the whole game. He did have one spell where he was mouthing off, i then took it upon myself that he should read the 'respect' captains armband he was wearing, i think he got a little confused.
The second half started somehow with us still only being one nil up. Coach Pat showed his disapproval with this by booting the bag of balls everywhere and shouting violently only to be told by junior that saying this was not helping, point taken. One word of wisdom that he did give was to hobbit, that he should open his eyes when heading the ball, immediately he won 4 headers in a row, what a coach! We where all over them as we are in every game but just couldn't finish our chances. Hobbit surprisingly missing the target with a one on one and Yorkie doing a job in the sticks for them. Gozzy was not on his best form either but we do rely far too much on the lad so we'll let him off this time, however he did pop up in the 70ish minute and stick one in with an assist for Yorkie, not sure if we can give him some pie for that but i'll look into it. He failed to hold a simple cross and dropped it onto Gozzys knee which then found the back of the net. 2-0 and no more than we deserved. We bossed the remainder of the game and the only other incident really was Ralph still being the C word (cheat) and being flag happy and their worst player Jim trying to mouth off at the coach, definately the last person anyone should choose to mouth off, actually correction, the second to last person as Neil's got to be worse, Pat's wit and charm slated the player as Jim tried to be witty and ask how Pat's mum was, this being down to the fact his dad had been smashing Pat's mum at one point, Pat's immediate response was to say that she's doing very well since she blew out his dad and that Jims mum is obviously pants in bed if he had to finish yours and go with his!
The game finished with a more than comfortable win over the ressies. There was a slight bust up between nice guy and the bottler after they clashed in the changing rooms after the cheating that went on. I say bottler vs big nose before the david vs goliath fight in November!
