Foul Fred Throws Unbeaten Run Away!
The Ayton Alligators ended their season best run of 3 games unbeaten, after a dismal display of throw in Tekkers by superstar winger; Steven Frederiksen. In truth Frederiksen did win the moral victory for the Gators vs their Whitby Warlord counterparts as they finished on the right side of a 3-2 foul throw battle (Frederiksen obviously performing both acts for Ayton).
It was an emotional start to the day as midfield stalwart and club golden oldie – Phil Wignall – decided his snuffly nose and aching throat was just too much for him to take part in the days battle. Wignall’s tearful phone call to Pluminho gave Papa Boupa Hick a starting role in the centre and Frederiksen somewhat surprisingly kept his place in the side on the left after his half time removal in the previous game.
In truth Frederiksen and Hick were lucky to be involved in the game at all after the Ayton Alligators hierarchy spent most of the week deflecting media attention away from their 6 foot + winger and ginger side kick after Scarborough Evening news reports claimed the pair were involved in “a drugs fuelled romp” with a local cheerleading group from the YMCA who were over the age of 16, but obviously not by too much.
Nobody involved with the Alligators set up would comment on the matter as team press officer – Russell Sprout held firm and stayed tight lipped.
A club insider close to the pair said “The boys were out enjoying themselves when they were presented with the opportunity to fill their boots, what red blooded male could turn down such a chance?” The Scarborough evening report includes quotes recorded on a secret tape as Frederiksen was heard screaming “spank me spank me” from an upstairs room. Hick can also be seen on a short video on the papers website busting moves in nothing but a thong displaying the Gator’s club badge over his package. The pair were later seen leaving Frederiksens pent house stately home with 2 swimming pools, utive conservatory and 12 hole golf course in the early hours of Monday morning – both sporting tired expressions as they clutched last nights pizza as they made their way to training. (Pic above - The naughty boys feast)
The leak is sure to be a major embarrassment for the Ayton set up as they have looked to rid the club of such stories after the “Dark Days” of the Dave Marley reign when it was said – anything goes!
Out on the pitch the Alligators warmed up ready for their opponents. An opponent who had stuck 7 past them in the previous clash. A clash which had also seen Pickard lose his rag Chuck Norris style and receive the first Gators red of the season. Pickard was eager to impress Pluminho and cement his place in the starting line up as he burst up and down the warm up cones faster than Jamie Tyler in a police chase. After a 2-3 minute period the warm up was over, Pickard stumbled around the warm up area – he did not look good. Club doctor Dr Pepper made his way over only to be greeted by Pickard vomiting on his shoes. It was agreed by the pair that a match day breakfast banquet for 4 at the Hungry Horse was not the desired pre match meal.
The Gator’s started poorly as they failed to keep the ball as it moved around the pitch like a yo-yo. The midfield 3 of Dixon, Hick and returning Ayton Hero – Willan failed to make any early impact on the game as Warlords looked to - pounce lion like on their snappy opponents.
Some slack play down the right side saw Bywater dispossessed and the Warlords forced a corner on 5 minutes. A drilled set piece flew in to the box as the Gator’s defence stood and watched a giant like Warlord opponent slam his headbut in and takes the score 1-zip in their favour. Pickard had lost his man during the move as he fumbled around in his match shorts for his energy bar.
The response by the Gatorade club was strong as a mammoth crowd at the Gatorade@Wilsons lane Stadium sang songs such as “When the ball hits your head and it lands in row Z its – Wignall”. The support was pushing our boys forward with a little more quality as Wallace battled his way on to a long hopeful ball. The townie and pink hat wearing forward beat two men and crept in to the box. Frederiksen galloped in support, really eating up the turf like Feltz in a hot dog eating contest. He had made it level with Wallace, all he needed now was the soccer and he was sure to do the biz. Wallace, who was on his left foot had the goal at his mercy, the Warlord keeper quaking in his shorts but chose option 2 – Freddie!
The pass put Freddie on his right foot, his standing foot and as he attempted to re adjust his twinkle toes he fell clumsily in a heap. It was very embarrassing for the rest of his team mates as Atkinson said to touch line reporter Gail Hailstorm at half time “I honestly thought he would tuck that home, It was like watching a 3 legged greyhound chase a rabbit. I felt sorry for him until I realised what he had done to our chances, now I hate him!”.
The dismal miss didn’t cull the response as Dixon went close and the Aytonians looking more of a threat when going forward. The Warlord’s were looking a Japanese nuclear like threat themselves and that was without star forward Lee Brennan who had been the scurge of our boys on numerous battles previously. Brennan was spotted in the Warlords sub suit doing lunges on the side as he waited for his chance to enter the fray.
A free kick pass or shot was conceded on half way as the Gators set up their rear guard to repel the incoming attack on 15 minutens. The ball fizzed over Plumpton at the near post and struck a Warlord plum on the thigh. His touch took him away from Pickard as he slammed the ball passed Holden in net and double the Whitbyites lead. It was a poor start score wise from the Gator’s and massively disappointing after their recent form.
Willan was winning the ball terrier like in the centre as Bywater shuffled inward from the wing with Dixon going the other way. Dixon was struggling to make a similar impact as he did last week when he finished the hero of the match and increased his girlfriend count no end.
A large amount of Gator’s pressure and some decent football after the poor start failed to give anything in scoring terms, but it definitely raised confidence for the upcoming half time team talk by Pluminho.
Half Time
Ayton Alligators (0) v (2) Whitby Warlords
Pluminho reminded the boys they can play so much better, all they had to do was believe. So out came the prayer mats as the Ayton gaffer gave words of wisdom to his hand clasped team while Pickard took time out from the prayer to dig around in his pack lunch box for a spicy pepperami and push-pop cherry for afters.
Confidence was higher than Dirk Digglers STD count as Wallace raced clear and smashed over whilst travelling at full flight. The positive fight back was short lived as a nothing cross came in to the Gators box for Holden to grasp. Out came the burly keeper as he leapt like a Whitby players morning catch on his trawler. Sadly Holden’s salmon like jump had taken him too high as he lost his bearings and threw the ball in to his own net. It was a real keeping howler – one Rob Green would have been proud of!
Willan had now completed an hour of the game, which was a record for him in recent months. The record had nothing to do with playing time it was in fact a 60 minute record of not entering a betting establishment and blowing all his wages. He felt warm inside as Jon Hick on the sidelines informed him of the good news at a drinks break.
It just wasn’t looking like the Gator’s day as a blatent offside was ushered away by match ref Tony Walker and the Warlords capitalised to make it 3 goals to Neil. The score was looking more unfair than Sophie and Sian from Corrie (Right) being lesbians as the Gator’s really hadn’t performed that badly!
On came former Villareal forward Marlon Moreno as he replaced Dixon at right forward. Moreno had faced a 4-0 scoreline before whilst playing in La-Liga for the Yellow Submarines when they fell behind to lowly Getafe only for our Gators star to net a quick fire 8 minute quad to tie the game 4-4. Moreno offered encouragement to his team mates as his experience knew the score line could be reversed. Hick, like Willan before him felt warm inside and this spurred the ginger wardrobe on for the final stages of the match.
Finally the breakthrough at the right end came as Bywater, or Deano as he is known by his piers set off on a mazy run through the centre. After much weaving and ducking – ducking and weaving Bywater approached the 20 yard line zone. He pulled back his left footed trigger and smashed a shot goalwards. The ball reflected off a Warlord defender and finally gave Hick something to shout about on the sidelines as the smile on his face at a Gator’s goal was becoming common place of late. This has been the richest spell of attacking soccer for the Gator’s as they look to repay fans for their trophy less history.
Jose Pluminho was looking increasingly worried from the touch line as his up and coming superstar; Martin Atkinson looked to be more troubled than celebrity former Iceland star Kerry Katona. “Whats wrong?” bellowed the gaffer. Atkinson stared down blankly giving no response as Holden in goal readied his goal kick. Atkinson was later found post match with a small jar during the random Gators bag check. The jar contained a small family of worms which Atkinson claimed to be “his family” as he looked to take them home and nurture them. Atkinson was quickly removed from the premises by Ayton security as Dr Leg informed the white men in coats they indeed have psycho on the loose.
The goal had given the boys hope of a late revival when suddenly that said hope was lost quicker than Neil Frasers record in a game of “hide the sausage” with male friends. A long bouncing ball made its way to form left back Martin Atkinson. It seemed the easiest of tasks for our hero to head back to the goalkeeping catching ace Phil Holden. A lack of communication not seen since the Tony Ross early non texting of his team days saw Atkinson head down crazily for the Whitby forward to smash in his teams 5th goal of the game. It was a poor goal and Atkinson blushed as a wet patch appeared in the front of his match pants.
The game had been certainly eventful as Frederiksen left his mark on the affair with the 2nd of his trademark “Freddie Throws”. His technique of rolling the ball in to play under arm just wasn’t holding up in this game as the ref once again blew and penalised the big man much to his disgust. Pluminho said to Hailstorm “To be honest love I have had enough. It is basic soccer skills that this boi is not performing. If the big dawgg doesn’t up his game and score in the next game he will be on the transfer list. AGAIN!”
However…The Man of the Match award does go to Frederiksen as Jon Hick added “For me his set pieces were a dream. Ive not seen a ball delivered like that since watching my other love; Team Manchester in the David Beckham days. Sadly his right foot is only for standing and I admit he should have scored, in fact I would have scored it with my prince albert! But hey, we can’t have everything can we?”
Next weeks epic clash sees the Alligators come up against this seasons scurge – The Ganton Grasshoppers as Pluminho looks to rid his team of the monkeys on their backs.
