Atko’ from Sinner to Saint!
A Martin Atkinson inspired Ayton Alligators slammed their fiercest rivals the Seamer Sissy Girls 4-Neil down at a packed Gatorade@Wilsons Lane stadium.
The Gator’s forwards ran riot as Wallace, Wignall, Hick and substitute Moreno smashed home to leave Jose Pluminho teary eyed with our touchline reporter Gail Hailstorm at Full Time. Plumpton said “This is up there with the birth of my 7 children as the greatest day and moment of my life. Having 14 strong men battle it out for me really showed me my place is here at Wilsons, and I will be refusing the job offer on the table from 2nd division FC Rosette”.
Pluminho once again shuffled his pack, living up to his name as the Scarborough 3rd division “Tinker Man” as Hick came in to the engine room, Frederiksen took a wide birth on the right and a new back two was born with Pickard lining up alongside the vertically challenged Plumpton - to form what was described by one Ayton Fan as the “Eiffel Tower and Big Ben combo”.
The biggest change of the day saw Martin Atkinson thrown straight back in to the fray at left back, after reports inside the club claimed contract talks between his management team had hit rock bottom. Talks between top local agent – Dan Druff and Gator’s gaffer Pluminho came to a stand still last week as Atkinson demanded to be the highest paid youngster in the clubs history, citing wages of £40 a game as request. Luckily for the Gator’s fans and players a like Atkinson and Pluminho found common ground as Pluminho challenged the youngster to a winner takes all race on his new Silverstone Scalextric race set. Little did Atko know that before soccer, Pluminho competed for Great Britain in the Scalextric race scene winning 3 consecutive World Series Titles before a crushing right trigger finger injury forced an early retirement. After the inevitable - Atkinson stayed a Gator, with his new improved £3 per game contract, and he was ready to face the team he had been widely reported to be joining.
After a 15 minute delay to kick off due to Jon Hick attacking the Seamer Sissys team bus by flicking sheep shit off a big stick at the Seamer lads as they got off - the game finally got under way in front of a packed house of 101 excited spectators. Nobody was more excited than Hick him self as he said “I’ve not slept for 3 days, this is the most important day of my life. If we lose this today there will be bloodshed”. Hick was later seen polishing his shotgun on the sidelines in the event of such an ending to the game.
The game started brightly for the hosts as Jedd Ward looked to take a grip of the game from the off. Ward stroked the ball around the centre as he does the hair of his new girlfriend, and the Gator’s pushed forth with war cry’s haunting the ears of the Seamer lads. The Seamer left back shivered at the sight of the Haka Dancing Frederiksen who had come in full facial war paint. They were definitely giving him a wide birth. (Pic; Freddie ready for War)
The pace was unrelenting as the Gator’s won a free kick 20 yards out on 4 minutes. A small committee took place as Jez Ward, Wignall, Frederiksen and Bywater all discussed the best course of action, just who would take the free spot kick? After much debate it was decided that Craggsy definitely shouldn’t take it and Wignall stepped up to the plate. Wignall drew breathe, crossed his chest religiously and fired a bolt of sheer quality over the Seamer 10 man wall. An absolute belter! The ball nestled in the far corner and the crowd went barmy. Jon Hick turned to Andy Holden on the side line screaming uncontrollably “Andy - I’ve just wee’d”. It was a great goal and the Gator’s were flying early doors.
Minutes later Frederiksen won another free kick for the Gators in an almost identical position. This time it was once again agreed Craggsy would be best off just watching as Gez Ward fired straight in to the wall. He had nothing on his veteran midfield partner.
Seamer pushed on themselves as the two sprightly front men that caused so much trouble to the Gator’s rear guard in the first battle combined just inside the box, only for a last ditch Pickard tackle to save the day. Pickards partner – Plumpton was marshalling the defence from the centre and Atkinson and Craggs were defending stoutly with a real sense of attacking adventure.
Wallace was felled by the giant like Plug when well placed, and Gormley reacted smartly to keep the score to Neil at the other end. It was a real humdinger of a match, one you really couldn’t take your eyeballs off.
The jet heeled Wallace was played in by a long raking ball and he outstripped the defence and rounded the Seamer goal lord. Wallace looked up, took aim and passed the soccer towards the goal only to see the games moment of controversy occur. A crazy Seamer defender got back to the goal line and reacted like Michael Jordan in his prime, picking up the ball and slam dunking it around the post. It was a penalty and after much debate the man in black gave the Seamer Sissy his marching orders, and rightfully so. Church has taught us all – God doesn’t like cheaters.
Ah Men.
So 25 minutes in and the search for a hero made its way to Jedward. He collected the soccer and made his way to the 12 yard spot. Ward looked nervous, his arse twitching like Charlie Sheen’s at the sight of a police sniffer dog.
Ward struck the ball with Brim, Fire and Gusto only to see it come hurtling back towards him by the celebrating Seamer stopper! What a chance to be a hero. Sadly it wasn’t to be for Ward, who misses his 2nd penalty in Gators colours. The next one’s Craggsy’s!
The penno miss inspired Seamer who were for some reason feeling hard done by. A strong but fair tackle from the rock like Pickard caused tears from Plug in the Seamer camp as he stuck up the V’s from 40 yards away and blew a raspberry at Pickard to try and hurt his feelings.
The sending off didn’t stop the Seamerites going forward but it created some Jordan’s Gash like holes along the Seamer back line and the Gator’s were ready to exploit them. A well worked move saw Frederiksen on his left foot caught in two minds – does he A – Pass to Hick 25 yards out or B – ask to be subbed and have his Shane from Westlife Tattoo finished before the Tat Parlour shut. Luckily for the Gators he went for option one and what was to come next was a real treat for the Golden Gatored fans.
(Busta Move; Hick Celebrates Goal)
Hick touched the ball to the left, leaving the Seamer defence merciless. The ginger midfield dynamo pulled back his devastating left boot and connected as sweet as a nut. The noise of the ball striking the back of the net was one of real force as Hick wheeled away celebrating the greatest moment of his Ayton career, as the fans showed their appreciation with a chorus of Hickery Dickery Dock;
“Hickery dicker dock,
The balls gone in the top,
Was it his left, was it his right,
Nobody cares cos Seamer are Sh*te!
Hickery Dickery Dock”
Half Time
Ayton Alligators (2) v Seamer Sissy Girls (Neil)
A jubilant and damn right erect home dressing room saw Pluminho praise his boys and still ask for more! In truth it was two but could quite easily have been 3 or 4. The boys knew this was a big 45 and took onboard plenty of fluids as Pickard made light work of his two litre carton of Umbongo and a Twiglet grab bag. It was time for more war!
Atkinson was repaying Plumpton’s faith with a storming performance from left back. Really supporting the forwards and he could and maybe should have done better in the opening minutes of the 2nd period after some good team play to get him clear.
A whole host of chances came and went as Bywater, Frederiksen and Wallace all spurned opportunities or fluffed their through balls when well placed. The chances nearly came back to haunt them as Frederiksen showed his clever defensive side once more, as he hacked down a Seamer forward in the box only to look on in astonishment as Gormley saved the day with a great stop.
Wallace finally found the net after a fine personal afternoon of link up play and workrate as he finished off a Bywater pass to put the Gators 3 up.
Again the defence stood firm as Craggs oozed class and composure at right back. Craggs turned and tricked his opposing winger on numerous occasions. It will be the one game the Seamer winger will never forget as pictures of Craggs face will haunt his dreams for many a night to come.
Atkinson again burst clear only to be flagged offside AND drew a save from the Seamer glove tender when again he should have done better. What a work rate this lad has, can he carry on his blistering form next week?
On came a host of changes as Gormley pulled a muscle in his bollocks and was replaced by Holden in net. Moreno replaced Wallace on 65 and Duckworth had taken the place of the goal getting Hick to freshen the side up.
Duckworth was straight in to the action as he leapt to his highest point only to be beaten in the air by a Lord of the Rings ring baring Dwarf and lose a header! Frederiksen giggled uncontrollably on the right - Then slipped in the mud. Again…
Moreno finished off the wonder showing by the Gator’s with a deflected effort and showed signs of his Spanish Primera Liga form at his old club Real Mallorca, when he sensationally hit 5 in one game before being subbed after having bad asthma just after half time. Moreno could quite easily have had 5 on this game but 1 was enough and the Gator’s could retire to a night of celebration.
The bragging rights will belong to Ayton over the summer as they finish the season with a glorious victory over their main rivals.
The Jon Hick MOM Award goes to Martin Atkinson at left back as Hick said “He was my kind of guy today – Quick, workman like, sharp and of course a Hero!”
