Rude Boys Slam Home
The Ayton Alligators slumped to yet another defeat, this time at the hands of table topping Riskers Rudeboys. Team gaffer – Jose Pluminho looks set to be in hot water as rumours circled around the Olivers Mount Stadium that he has indeed been summoned for crisis talks with club Chairman; Frank White.
The game couldn’t have started any worse as the Gator’s went one down to a new Scarborough Saturday 3rd division record of conceding after only 13 seconds. The Ayton outfit took the centre only for Hick to miss control, Dave Lovell to make a bollock of himself and the Riskers forward to scuttle through unopposed and fire home for one neil!
The Gator’s had been rocked before K.O as several first team members spent the early hours reminiscing over former leg-end Keith Savage’s Ayton Career as they shared a brewsky or 10 in the Casino. Hick was overhead by a reveller saying “For me Savage is the undisputed no 1 of the Alligators, if he were to return we would win the league”. Hick was later removed from the premises by Casino bouncers as he tried to claim he was in fact strawberry blonde, and a male model.
It went from bad to worse for the Gators as a ball from the right managed to pull out 3 members of the Gator’s back 4 who all challenged for the same ball! The Riskers hit man rose highest and had the simplest of tasks to nod to his Rudeboy chum who tapped home and doubled the lead on 10 minutens.
The Gators rallied and began to play some good soccer as returning ace Phil Wignall covered the turf like a slightly old and white Linford Christie in the engine room. Rob Ward was struggling to find the ball up top, in truth he was struggling to find which foot went in front of the other as his antics along with Hick’s were showing within their performances. It was obvious by the way Ward was running that Hick had indeed been the giver that night as he winced with every stride.
Another Rudeboy corner occurred from the right as the Gators organised their rear. After a scramble in the box the ball was pumped higher than Peter Crouch on a trampoline as Wallace gave chase with his Tevez like workmanship up top. Wallace managed to wrestle himself clear of the Rudeboy de-fence and ran one on one at the stopper. An over hit touch gave the keeper a chance, out he came as the two youngsters collided like Michelle Mcmanus and Vanessa Feltz at the doorway of KFC as they announced a new 2 for 1 bargain bucket offer.
Wallace leapt up first, took a touch around the despairing keeper and slammed home an impressive 4th goal of the season, 2 in his last 2 matches.
The Rudeboys were stunned as they expected the Gator’s to be a walkover as they began to argue like Lovell and Tyler over who can get the highest off two smokes of a bifta and 3 sniffs of an aerosol.
The game was spicing up nicely as the next goal looked crucial when suddenly Phil Wignall had a moment of madness in Gators defence. Facing the touchline to the left of the Ayton box Wignall decided to 360 spin and pump a ball clear, only to kick the floor and put it on a plate for Speight in Rudeboy green. Speight couldn’t believe his look at he thumped home his 2nd of the game which left Wignall inconsolable on the deck.
Half Time
Riskers Rudeboys 3 v 1 Ayton Bulldogs
Once again Pluminho read the riot act as his team capitulated from unbelievable shocking and damn right horrendous mistakes at the back. Hoping the boys would listen to his words of wisdom Pluminho sat them down and read them a story to calm their nerves. Dave Lovell loved it, it was the first big boy’s story he’s had read to him for months, after Jamie Tyler stole his collection of Harry Potter novels at a recent sleep over.
Out the Alligators came with a sense of belief within the squad that they could indeed compete with the big boys. This belief was shafted out of them - Ron Jeremy style as the 4th goal flew in after a dreadful decision by the referee with the Rudeboy forward clearly offside. Team lino Steven Frederikson whistled loudly, waving his flag like a disabled kid with a twitch to absolutely no avail – the goal stood!
The Gators were competing which pleased the crowd as chants of “I saw my mate the other day, he said he saw the GINGER PELE, I said to him what is his name – he goes by the name of Timothy Hick” rang around the Olivers Mount terraces. Team mate Jake Smart was heard singing the loudest after his recent performance as Joseph at his Filey School play – “Joseph and his fucked up buzzin coloured dream coat”, which proved to be a smash hit breaking all ticket sales of previous Filey School smash year 11 play – “The Penetrater feat Dirk Diggler”.
Hick was soon removed as his miserable afternoon came to an end as he trudged off muttering “if only I was grey”. Dixon also left the field after taking a knock with Bywater and Cook taking their places.
Some more Gator’s soccer resulted in a few woo’s from the crowd. This was a crowd missing usual stalwart and team Man of the Match Sponsor – Jon Hick. A source close to Hick said “Jon has just been sick of it lately, he’s sick of waking in his sleep having pee’d the sheets, wailing with cries of despair after seeing so many goals go in against his beloved favourite 3rd division side”.
The 5th goal hit the Gator’s on 77 minutes as a far too easy long ball ripped through the gaping holes at the back once more. In truth the Gators had been lucky to keep the score down until this point.
On came team pin up – Steven Frederikson and he soon got in to the action as 2nd time debutant Blake Nixon picked him out a treat with a quick goal kick. Our Gareth Bale wannabe took a touch with his trusty/rusty left peg only to set it up a treat for Rudeboys no 9 Joe Cairns to run through and slot home the 6th goal and seal a miserable day for the Alligators once again.
The Gators have a League Trophy cup tie next week against the Falsgrave Pirates at the Gatorade@Wilsons Lane Stadium. Tickets are said to be selling like Take That tickets as locals fought bare-chested outside the Wilsons Lane ticket office. Jon Hick was also sighted leaving with two tickets, no shirt and Chinese burn marks down his right arm.
The Jon Hick Man of the Match award goes to Sam Wallace for a battling display with little service and a poacher’s goal to send him Alligators top scorer.
