‘Man’tin Atkinson!
It was another swashbuckling performance from our young and up-and-coming Ayton Superstar in the making – Martin Atkinson.(Above) The young fullback is setting the Alligators left side alight once again with top football pundit and part time racialist Ron Atkinson saying “the boys like shit of a stick down that left side. When he gets going all sorts of good things happen right there”. Atkinson also revealed he is looking to get back in to full time football commentary but added “it would be tough for me, given my leadership of the Klu Klux Klan”.
The Alligators gaffer Jose Pluminho decided to make a massive call before kick off as he reverted to a 442 formation citing the lack of width on Olivers Mountain as his reasoning to ditch his tried and trusted 433 methods. Moreno shook his head in disbelief – and anger at Pluminho’s decision.
The back four lined up the same as the previous two battles as Craggs continued at right back – a position he has always wanted to play in his Ayton career. In truth Craggs has always wanted to play as main lead forward but even the flowers and chocolates he has regularly sent Pluminho during the season has failed to make this a reality.
The Alligators looked nervy as the game got under way as news flashed around social network sites and finally made its way up to Olivers Mountain that Jono Pashby (Right) had indeed been confirmed as Pirates No 2. This was quite a cue for the Pirates as Pashby boasts a wealth of knowledge in Scarborough local league soccer and also has all takeaway numbers at easy reach on his BT Cellnet mobile phone.
Frederiksen said to our touchline reporter Gail Hailstorm “I was hoping Pash would become part of the Alligator set up as I feel I could really use his advice on how to take my game to the next level. I know he has worked with the best - as he turned Bruce in to the top soccer talent he is today”.
The early nerves were beginning to affect the Gator’s slick passing style as many a move broke down like Alex Reid after his failed relationship with Katie Price. Bywater looked to threaten from his forward role only to collapse in a heap when well placed to deliver the killer pass.
Jamie Tyle had returned to the Gator’s after another 4 day stint in rehab as he looks to finally get to grips with his petty theft urges. Tyle is on his last warning with the federal law, after being caught and nicked by PC Fraser after stealing a chomp, Sun Newspaper and the whole fag counter from his local Proudfoots in Eastfield. Tyler denies all charges, claiming to be playing Lego with Dave Lovell at the time.
The troubled Tyler and Frederiksen were just failing to make an impact from the wings as both Gator’s squandered the ball when in good positions. The resulting bad soccer from the pair was putting the Gator’s strong defensive line under more pressure than Vanessa Feltz whoopee cushion and the pressure finally paid on 17 minutes. A long hopeful punt by the space hopper like “Rhino” at the heart of the Pirates back line made its way to Pickard under challenge from equally tubby Billy Jo Johnson. Pickard failed with his flying headbut as Johnsons strike partner Mark Craven reacted to the missed ball first. He out stretched Plumpton who was completely off guard and finished neatly in the far corner past Holden in the Gator’s net. It was a poor goal to concede and quite unbelievable after the previous weeks defensive performance.
The mistake at the back had turned the nerves to fear as all the Gator’s struggled to imprint their passing routines on the sturdy workman like Pirates. Wignall was becoming increasingly agitated in the middle as he looked to pick a fight with anyone who came near him – Chris Costigan like!
A slick piece of passing from a Nick Craggs throw down the left, saw Wignall link with Wallace up top. Wallace played the give and go as Wignall sent him clear with a ‘trademark’ Hollywood pass over the top for Wallace to scamper on to. Wallace without a touch to set himself let rip at the match soccer and it sailed over the Pirate’s goal saver with immense power and swerve. A wonder goal just when the Gator’s needed it. Could they push on and take hold of the game like their faithful followers now demand and expect after their recent run?
Astonishingly the goal failed to settle the nerves as the Pirates continued to load and fire their cannon balls from the back, right in to the heart of the Gator’s back line. Pickard was really struggling with the flight of the ball as he failed miserably to judge its whereabouts in the air (mostly due to it being a £3.99 Sports Direct special). This caused more friction from the already irate Wignall. A source close to Wingall said “he forgot to take his happy pills this morning” as the midfield superstar argued once again with Pickard as the Pirates won a throw 20 yards from goal. The argument continued as the Pirates capitalised on the child like behaviour from the pair. Craggs was outnumbered 2-1, very much like his time in the ’02 season in the showers with Osguthorpe and Smigger, but this time Craggsys anus wasn’t bleeding. The Pirates wing wizard Mikey Anderson combined with Craven again and he slotted the ball home to give them their 1 goal advantage back. The Gator’s gaffer Pluminho was furious. Jon Hick on the sideline was livid as he threw stones at the pair from his front row seat on the Pitch 10 300 seater arena.
The half time whistle went with the Gators down 2 goals to 1 and it saw the end to one of the worst halfs of soccer from the Gatorade@wilsons Lane based club this season.
Half Time
Falsgrave Pirates (2) v (1) Ayton Alligators
Pluminho ripped in to his wealth of stars as Frederiksen cowered from the managerial tyrant’s wrath. Pluminho plugged in his projector and once again went over the pre match tactics of pass and move to the alligator groove, which had served them well of late. Pickard listened intently as he tucked in to Pizza hut take out box containing a variety of pizza based treats from his early morning visit.
On came Greg Dixon as Pluminho reverted to the trusty 433 much to the approval of Moreno on the sidelines who clapped uncontrollably. Frederiksen was the one replaced, although in truth it could have been many a Gator being removed from the soccer pitch at that time.
Jedd Ward began to take a hold on the game as his short passing game was likened to that of Jack Wilshere in Arsenal red and white. When asked by Hailstorm about Ward - Pirates no 2; Pashby said “He’s a decent player, but we have many players like Jedd in our B Team”
This was more like it, the ball was moving around the lush green turf like Neil Fraser from girl to girl in his local drinking hole. The formation change was certainly doing the business although there was one person hell bent on making the game all about him; The Ref Lord.
It was obvious the ref had been spending time with his long time friend and some say lover – Charlie Sheen as decisions baffled both sides. When asked by Ward just what drugs he was on the ref had this to say “"I am on a drug, it's called ‘The Whistle blower.' It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body." Ward moved away ever so slowly and let the ref get on with it; it was obvious he was higher than George Michael at a set of traffic lights!
The Gators pushed and probed as Dixon brought a great save out of the Pirates stopper as he nudged the ball around his post. Everyone really thought that was in! A great save. The resulting corner also saw Pickard come close with a flying head smasher only for the defence to block him off. This was the only set of corners to actually make the 6 yard box with the rest trickling out of play, flying over everyone or hitting the first man. Wignall the main culprit.
The game was now in the Gator’s hands, it was a question of could they keep their nerve and let their quality show through – as Pluminho had demanded at half time! A free kick 20 yards out instantly gave Wignall and erection and a chance to be the hero just as he did vs the Sissys. Wignall puffed out his cheeks, took two steps back and produced a real daisy cutter which saw Pickard vomit on half way.
(Hell-Raiser; Jon Hick)
Bywater was looking more threatening than the grim reaper as Plumpton picked him out after a surge from the back. The tempo had picked up and the dubious decisions were now at an x rated level. A volley of abuse from the Ayton dug out came the man in black’s way as the ref halted the game and jogged across to confront the Gator’s bench. “Are you part of this club” shrieked the ref to Jon Hick. Hick quickly pulled on his balaclava and clutched his machete under his Man Utd coat. After a stare off from Hick the ref made his way back to the game and the battle continued.
The Gator’s were somehow still drawing the game even though the 2nd half possession read 62-38 in their favour, and Wignall was still a frustrated figure in the centre as he laid in to Ward for a failed pass. Ward didn’t lie down to the veterans abuse as the pair looked a sure thing to rein act the infamous Kieran Dyer and Lee Bowyer incident of old when suddenly Dixon squared the ball to Wignall. Wignall broke out of the argument, strode on to the soccer and rifled it past the keeper to put the scores at two a piece. It was game on!
By this point there was only 15 to go, Mawer had entered the game, as had Moreno for the tiring Tyle on the right. Shameful decisions saw Wallace penalised for a phantom hand ball, Dixon was wrongfully given for offside and Pashby sent to the stands for mooning the man in the centre!
With time ticking down Atkinson decided to take the game in to his own hands. The buccaneering Roberto Carlos like left back had been a threat all afternoon – going on umpteen courageous runs from his defensive spot only to be halted by the Pirates. This time with only 6 minutes to go he managed to combine well with Moreno as the later completed a legitimate throw in! Atkinson used his silky skills to leave the Pirates right back in tears and burst in to the box. Just as the next defender approached the scraggy haired figure of the David Luiz like Plumpton (Right) could be heard screaming for the ball as he burst in to the box. Atkinson obliged with a perfectly waited pass, Plumpton had a decision to make – Go for glory or be the team player and pass to Dixon! Plumpton controlled the ball with ease as the sweat dripped down his brow like the main water slide at Bridlingtons Leisure world. The deft touch set him up for the killer ball to Dixon and he crashed home the winner from 8 yards. It was a truly sensational team goal.
The Pirates had nothing in reply; many had completely given up as they pushed ‘Rhino’ in to a midfield role – nearly ending his life with the extra work load in the process. The Ayton backline stood firm and the game petered out for a marvellous turn around of events. This was another major show of character for Pluminho’s charges as they had fought back from what looked like a doomed position at half time.
The Jon Hick Man of the Match which was presented by the hell-raiser himself was given to Martin Atkinson for another unbelievable display going forward from the back. Hick said “it’s only a matter of time before the bluebirds come calling for his what can only be described as man like talent. I will do everything in my powers to make sure he doesn’t go – including strapping myself to the Ayton goal posts and staging a hunger strike until Ross starts leaving our Gator’s alone” Strong words by the Gator’s number one fan but the question he and many a follower a like just want to know is; how long can the Alligators Steamroller continue? Will they beat next week’s opponents Whitby RUFC? Will Pickard pick up his customary yellow card for an obscene tackle on his midfield friend? And of course – Will Jack Willan ask to lend money from his Ayton friends for the forthcoming Saturday night out in York???
