Bare Bones Jaguar dominate
Jaguar showed their strength in depth on the day, taking another changed 11 into the away game at Keresley Grange school. John Ison has made so many changes this season that even Claudio Ranieri would question the (albeit enforced) Jaguar rotation policy.
Nostalgia was in the air as Richie Adams returned to the side having retired 4 season's ago. Manager John 'Tinkerman' Ison gave the nod late on Sunday morning, having been impressed with some recent performances at Wednesday night 5-a-side. The 'white Cyrill Regis' looked primed for the game, stacking it in the warm-up after treading on a stray lace, claiming to be snipered. Being the consumate professional that he is, he dusted himself down and returned to action as by now 'folder-gate' began to de-rail the pre match preparations...
The game kicked off and Jaguar dominated from the outset as a revived Ben Clay went close in the opening minutes as the goalkeeper saved low with his legs. Ben was not to be disappointed minutes later after latching onto a measured pass from now former skipper Danny Burke. The pass was described as like 'watching Glenn Hoddle in his prime' by an innocent, non bribed, bystander.
One nil soon became two nil as Micky 'Sex' Panther lashed into the roof of the net with his trusted swinger. A neat delivery from Andy Bynon saw Richie Adams go close with a header cleared off the line and Micky didn't have to be asked twice to finish off the rebound. Micky was clearly unleashing his frustration having been accused of some rather 'specialist' sexual persuasion in the dressing pre-match.
Richie was in the thick of the action in a one sided first half going close on a couple of occasions. His goal mouth prowess paid dividends on the half hour as another Andy Bynon corner saw Adams volley goal bound, only to see his effort pinched away as Ben Clay tapped in from 2.5 millimetres.
The half ended 3-1 as the home side took advantage of a close range set play but the result at this point was never in doubt.
At half time, Dale was clearly off his game as he was forced to clear up a number of uneaten oranges. The South African beauties just before Christmas really set the standards but unfortunately Dale has yet to return to these levels in 2011. Words should have been had but manager John Ison remained focused on looking for his missing folder. The extensive notes taken from his Kevin Keegan coaching manual were never going to be implemented on the day.
Back into the action and Ben Clay completed his hat-trick early into the second half, benefitting from some seriously unselfish forward play from Big Cyrill. A lethal cross from Kiam left Richie with the goal at his mercy in the six yard box, but instead of rippling the onion bag he chose to disguise a volley and square the ball to a grateful Clay, this time poking in from at least an inch.
The game proved to have some life in it when the home side pulled another one back after Ian Turley fell down a pot hole, but the game was made safe instantly as Kiam finally returned to the Jaguar score sheet. Andy Bynon being the provider on this occasion.
Ben added a fourth to his tally in the closing stages tapping in a Kiam rebound at the thirteenth attempt, clearly to the delight of his dad, seen shagging the leg of an unsuspecting dog walker. "I just love him so much" he was heard to say after the game, before berating every other player for being shit and not passing to Ben.
The final goal came from the spot as Jaguar rounded off a 7-2 victory heaping more pressure on Gatehouse Tavern at the top of the league. The next two games are crucial and will define whether or not the season will be a succesful one for Myton Jaguar.
John's folder is still missing.
