Wembley, Wembley, John's p*ssed up and we're going to Wembley...
It was the Sunday after the Friday before. That many beers were despatched at Drewy's send off that half the team were still hungover. Not manager John Ison though, hair of the dog always sees to that.
There was great anticipation ahead of the quarter final tie with the now re invigorated Kevin Keegan coaching manual expected to play a large part in team selection. Rumours on Sky Sports News surfaced, talking of Christmas trees, diamond formations and Ajax total football. Sources close to the club suggest John Ison revealed his master plan to the team on Friday night.
However, it must have been the sambuca talking, as Jaguar lined up in the tried and tested 4-4-2 with a rare start for 12 year old Kyle Wainwright. Kyle, benefiting on the day after Clinical Clive went AWOL and Woody turned up looking like he'd just eaten a turd. The departing Danny Drew took his place in the sticks with Ade away, looking for a clean sheet having shit the bed the night before.
The game kicked off and Jaguar settled into their stride, dominating possession from the outset. The visitors pressed high trying to upset the classy hosts but slick interplay only served to tire Caludon and open up opportunities to book a place in the semi final.
The first real chance came 10 minutes in when some determined play from young Kyle forced the goalkeeper into a mistake. With the goal at his mercy, Kyle knew an overhead kick would not be appropriate this time. He opted for the precision curler and the ball nestled in the net (behind the goal, preventing the ball from landing in the car park).
Another chance went begging on 20 minutes when centre half Danny Burke strolled up field for a free kick. Having lost his marker finding space at the far post, proceeded to 'face' the ball out of play instead of heading back across goal. Replays proved it was in fact a shit ball from Jez and not a complete tit up.
Jaguar weren't to be kept at bay for long though, as minutes later, the Sex Panther went on the prowl. Creeping in around the back of a sloppy back four, Micky clinically despatched a right foot volley past the helpless goal keeper after the through ball from young Kyle. 1-0.
Jaguar eased off the pace as the visitors began to bring the game down to their own level. Some aggressive tackling from Andy Bynon proved only to stoke the flames. This certainly got the 52 year old Caludon centre half up for it. He turned from tortoise into the hare and on more than one occasion outsripped his would be grandson Kyle Wainwright in a foot race. His aerodynamic hairstyle paid dividends as Kyle was left eating the dust. To be fair to Kyle he'd had a late night pretending to be a plane and sliding on his knees at the mini disco the night before.
Half time came and went without major controversy; Dale's oranges were clearly more evenly sliced this Sunday but the scars were still evident from the previous week. Dale had to pack up an almost full complement of oranges as there were not many takers during the break. Who knows what now lies in store for the Jaguar number 2. His reputation in the orange slicing world has diminished and confidence must be at an all time low.
The second half picked up where first half finished with the home side trying to play but Caludon doing well to compete on a dodgy surface. Caludon's Nigerian international Obafemi Martins began to get himself into the game and got around the back with his lightning pace on a couple of occasions. Luckily for Jaguar, he was proper shit at the kicking part of being a footballer.
With 25 minutes to go, the game was put to bed however. A free kick floated in by Jez Carpenter was met by top scorer Kiam Galdins. The ball looped off the of his head and into the net off the far post. His first goal for a while was gratefully received.
Immediately after the goal, manager John Ison made the changes. Young Kyle had to be withdrawn as CBeebies scheduled programmes were about to start. On came John Woodhouse, who picked up where Kyle left off, getting out paced by the bald eagle. Woody was not to be upstaged though, as in the closing moments he broke free, bearing down on the last defender. 8 stepovers and 15 dragbacks later, the defender gave up the ghost leaving only the keeper to beat. The post nearly ripped out of the ground as Woody's shot was inches from busting the net.
There was still time for Caludon to hit the bar in injury time but it was too little too late. A comfortable victory in the end as the mighty Myton continue on the cup glory trail. The final whistle couldn't come soon enough for John Woodhouse who was left in the changing rooms after the game bringing out everything he had drunk the night before. It was only a matter of time before we brought him back down to our level.
Caludon again on Wednesday night as it's back to the league, trying to turn around a poor run of form.
