Sunday was the day when Norreys found out that Shalbourne puts the 'District' in Newbury and District Sunday League. After the long journey into the sticks, the team were greeted by a strange looking marked out field, net-less goals and a large blue ship container which Milton mistook for a changing room. Now Shalbourne is cold, very cold. The pitch is open to the elements and the only way that Norreys could find a way to warm up before the game, was to cram into the actual changing room and stay there. Then subjecting themselves to the hot air production that a Wilksey Villa away day was producing. The stench of sour milk and cheddars was going to stay with the players for a while as it embedded itself into the kit.
What about the Team news? Not good at that point. A new Interim manager in charge, all the Masons AWOL chasing eggs, top scorer Ali calling off sick, Neil having to leave at half time due to "Mothers Day" and the Bear deciding to put in a little extra hibernation time due to the cold weather. (Cold weather being Bear's code for getting overly shit-faced).
With Tam deciding to hand out Team shirts late on, the look of glee that beamed from Wilskey's face as he realised that he would be wearing the coveted '9' shirt. This was met with the complete opposite look of horror from the rest of the team, until the Interim Gaffer broke the news that he just wanted the tenner that Wilksey offered to wear the '9' shirt. He was playing at the back.
Team formation, a nice bold 4-3-3 with the HNFC's Nani and Ronaldo playing either side of Denton up front. The formation seemed to cause problems right from the first few minutes as the Shalbourne players struggled to work out who to pick up. The extra numbers across the front line, restricting them to long balls over the top in difficult conditions, easy for Norreys at this point. Norreys on the other hand were playing some lovely free-flowing football. Bones, Brad, Wilksey and Robbie all looking to build from the back and switch the play when needed. Clarkey and Neil were linking up well on the right, whilst Weeksey was proving to be very attack minded on the left. The only thing missing from Norreys play was a decent final ball or a clinical finish. It was like a soft porn movie, watchable stuff, lots of cold tits on show looking good, but not much penetration.
Just past the 20 minute mark the Norrey's pressure paid off. A throw-in into the box was met by Denton, who flicked the ball on. Then to the sound of Brad shouting 'get on the end of that', Tam managed to get in front of the Keeper, jumping like an old white, hairy Michael Jordan and looping the ball into the net, 1-0.
The pressure kept coming with Norreys players all pushing on. Centre back Brad even appearing up in the right wing position at one point, an example of the neat interchanging play or unorganised rabble, depending on your view which Norreys were playing. It was only a matter of time, then shortly before the half-time mark a nice team move ended with Tam playing a through ball to Denton. Everything slowed and it was like a clip from the film Matrix, Denton playing the Agent and the Shalbourne goalie playing Neo. Denton shoots and in slow motion the goalie laid back to dodge the bullet, which slowly rolled up his body, clipping his shoulder and dropped into the net. Actually when you think about that goal, it wasn't actually matrix-time. It was simply an ugly goal, but they all count and no more than Norreys deserved.
At this point it is well worth mentioning the fans, two crazy HNFC fans decided to brave the conditions. Matt Roddis, injured? not fit? but still managed to cycle to the game. He would have won the Man of the match just for this show of dedication, but he is not a man, he must be a machine, plus he wasn't there for kick off. Then we have Ana, Joao's bit of skirt. Although no skirt was on show on the day as she slowly became a walking human buckaroo adding more and more coats and tops, giving Joao something to warm up to after the match. Both fans showing Bill Mason what true fan commitment is. Where were you Bill?
One enforced change at the half time mark. Neil was off to see his mummy, so Dave came on to play in defence hoping that in doing so he would warm up, although he never lost that frozen 'my toes are like uncrumbed fish fingers (basically fish)' look. The manager then had a decision to make, he saw some hunger in that early Brad Simpson run and so he pushed Brad up top with Denton coming into midfield. It wasn't long before the changes paid dividends, good work from Joao and Denton gave Brad the silver platter pass, only for him to miss the ball, then fetch the ball and finally smashing it in off a defender and into the corner. O.G.? with an assist from Brad.... perhaps.
The next goal was definately his however after good work from Robbie, Weeksey feeding Milton into the box, Milton laying a lovely low cross which Brad smashed into the top of the net. So high that the faint sound of crossbar was heard. One yard further back or higher and it could have been a contender for miss of the season. Then Shalbourne finally started to show some fight and they were given a consolation goal. A slight bit of fortune, but they broke through a resolute Norrey's defence and warmed themselves with a nicely finished goal.
Norrey's response, Xabi Robbie Alonso (Alonso is spanish for large donkey penis). He decided to shoot from way downtown. A strange attempt which was only made stranger by the grey Ted Danson look-a-like Shalbourne keeper managing to wrestle the ball out for a corner. Ball played in......then the best Sunday league scramble I have seen in a while. However who do you want with the ball dropping to, on his left foot 4 yards from goal given the chance? No, not Brad, no not Tam, No nor Joao, Milton, Denton, Robbie. No keep guessing, no not Weeksey, Clarkey or Dave. Keeping guessing....... Yep Bones. However Bones was playing in goal and it actually fell to Wilksey. Wilksey was caught in two minds, tried to clear the ball and accidentially shanked it into the net. However we were attacking, so job done.
The last 15 minutes still had time for Wilksey to go up front and get himself a brace. A move that earned the Interim manager another £50 notes. Chances kept coming, a Brad volley, a second Tam header, although this one was a bit behind him, bit low, it got caught in the wind etc etc. Wilksey even trying a Lineker slide, but ending up losing his hamstring in the process. Then there was Weeksey's effort, 30 yards wide on the lefthand side, head down and letting one fly off the laces. The ball smashing off the crossbar, so so unlucky and surely saving Weeksey a goal of the season end of season shot.
Two best moments of the match, probably either Joao having a go at Brad for running too quickly or the look on Weeksey's face when the ref screamed out to talk to number '3', when the Shalbourne number 3 was standing right next to him.
Full Time: Shalbourne 1-5 Hampstead Norreys - Norreys march on.
Interim Manager's Man of the Match - Close call, as I liked the way Clarkey and Weeksey really got forward. However I give it to Brad Simpson. As much as it pains me to do it, he was solid in the first half, apart from a bit of mud break-dancing and he also showed that given the chance he still knows where the net is, even if he does need to use the opposition defenders to get to it.
As a side note Milton, Robbie, Weeksey and Denton do not have a player profile picture on the website, please submit any suggestions to me directly. Cheers Tam (No longer Interim manager)
