There was a slightly Autumnal feel to the day as Norreys started their assault on Newbury District Sunday League Div 2 – including that fine rain that soaks you right through.
Manager Simon Mason had freshened up the squad bringing in several new faces, with Milton Da Costa Da Silva Da Jorge Da Carlos (e.g. Frankie Fryer) making his debut in the starting XI along with the returns of Weeksey at left back and Denton (half man/ half conker) in midfield. Manager Mason also had new signing Steve “Hollywood” Allen on the bench – whose signing has prompted HNFC to move the kick-offs to 4.30am each week so the Chinese market can watch him in action... and buy replica shirts.
Manager Mason sprung a surprise in going 4-3-3, the surprise being none of the players knew how to play it!
The game kicked off and the season got underway in typical style as Jonesy was poll-axed and spent a minute rolling around the pitch. Rumours that the character Wolverine were based on him (indestructible and looks older than he is) continue to gather pace. Norreys then continued their typical start to a season by letting in a goal from a corner. The crowd were straight on Mason’s back – with summer signing Sadler (in-eligible due to his signing on form carrier pigeon being lost) giving it the “We want Mason out”
Worse was to come however, as ‘keeper Bones, who we can assume spent the summer growing his beard and handling Koi carp in baby oil with his goalie gloves, let a speculative hoof in to his net. Manager Mason was to be found, revving his car, waiting for Trimmers, to get away from the baying mob!
The fight back was not long in coming however. Following good work from Stoney (who was being marked by a man on stilts is seemed) and Wolverine Jonesy a free kick was awarded, which Captain Tam – sporting a “Tan” (he is no longer see-through) swung in a free-kick which top goal scorer from last year Ali got on the end of. The equaliser was not long in coming as DenTiTh got his head on one, setting up Ali. Wilkesy claimed the assist... somehow.
The start of the second half saw pretty much one way traffic, as the Norreys back-line, commanded by Dave tackling people without noticing it seems and Wilksey finding not only his passing range (long) but every bobble on the pitch, dictating play. Norreys took the lead from a corner from Tam, who found DenTiTh’s head (big and brown) at the back stick to nod home. DenTiTh then scored his second, and Norrey’s fourth, with a left foot finish, just inside the post. So close, you couldn’t get that cupboard for Ann & Gordon from number 4 in there.
A flurry of subs then occurred, with Milton Da Costa Da Silva Da Jorge Da Carlos (e.g. Frankie Fryer) being replaced by his compatriot Joao Ribeiro Da Costa Da Silva Da Jorge Da Carlos as Milton headed off for some Poncha and Black Scabbard Fish (nice with banana) and Norreys kept it’s foreign player quota up. High pitch screams from the teeny-boppers in the crowd were heard as Steve “Hollywood” Allen came on for Stoney (who had nappies to sort). Karl Mason – fresh from being deprogrammed from the cult he was living in – then came on for Jonesy, who promptly shot off to film X-Men 4: Doomsday.
And it was Hollywood who got Norrey’s fifth, first releasing Ali up the left, who drove into the box (in his 0.98 CC Clio) before being bought down – with the defender looking like he got tangled in silly string. Allen dispatched the resulting PK with aplomb, sending the crowd delirious and nearly causing a power cut in downtown Shanghai for the bars that stayed open for his debut.
Blue Ball then went up the other end and Norreys conceded a PK of their own, with Wilkesy sliding through the man, rolling over him twice then touching the ball – Manager Mason could be seen heading towards the Astra. Blue Ball scored the PK, no one was really too bothered.
The ref then blew up... Mainly due to the IED Niko had placed under his van after getting an earful after an offside decision, and the game ended with Steve taking off his shirt and most of Asia “finishing” at the sight.
Final score: HNFC 5 – 3 Blue Ball
Attendance: quite a few, even Roddis made it down from the wedding he was at.
