First Game of 2011 - Last against Stepping Hill
The first game of 2011 saw the return of visitors Stepping Hill for their last game against Barnstoneworth United. After one of the longest frozen winters on record and a night of heavy rain, The Sewerage Works Ground was in grand shape and fit for purpose. With Christmas festivities out of the way it was time for Barnstoneworth to shed those mince pies and turkey roasts and focus on the task in hand - securing a valuable 3 points to take them closer to league leaders Offerton, but more importantly to increase the gap between Mossley Hill, currently laying in 3rd position and eager for promotion. Unfortunately there was only one thing stopping the two teams battling it out… a ref! Fortunately “hero” Stan stepped up to the plate, donned the black shirt and whistle and the game got under way with Barnstoneworth kicking towards the newly renamed ‘Cathedral View’ end in orange and black. Apparently this was because they didn’t want to get their red and white kit dirty.
The famous starting 11 (with a few changes) and the inglorious back four bastards (minus bono) once again dropped into formation. After a few exchanges of play with both teams trying to settle, Barnstoneworth decided to stop pussy footing around and switched on their mighty orange and black engine and started to pressurise Stepping Hill’s defence. Within 5 mins Dave Beard crossed the ball into Stevie Echo who knocked the ball down straight into the path of “Pricey and his Magic Goatie” who leathered a 25 yarder straight into the top right corner… 1-0 Barnstoneworth. What a great opener! Not content with just the one early goal, Barnstoneworth kept their motor running and where awarded a corner on then left hand side. Up stepped Pricey to the quadrant and curled a beauty into the box which dropped straight into the back of the net… 2-0 within 15 mins! Then came the onslaught, wave after wave of attack forcing major cracks in Stepping Hill’s defence… the dam was about to go again. And then it came – A great pass from Echo across the face of goal which saw Jono burst the back of Stepping Hill’s net from all of 2 yards… 3-0 after 25 mins! This was exciting football to watch and total Barnstoneworth domination. An innocent voice from the Barnstoneworth crowd (bono) shouted “It’s like watching fuckin’ Holland play this”. 5 minutes later John Whitehead launched one of his best ever route 1 kicks from his 18 yard box into the path of Stevie Echo who volleyed a cracker on the turn straight into the bottom right corner of Stepping Hill’s net. I don’t know about domination, this was annihilation… 4-0 after 30 mins, and that’s how the first half finished.
Up went the bonnet, a bit of fine tuning, some fuel injection from Jamesy and Paul and on roared Barnstoneworth’s orange and black engine for the 2nd half. And pretty much like the first, Barnstoneworth dominated the play creating chance after chance. 15 minutes later a superb ball through from Stevie Echo saw Robbo one on one with the keeper who calmly slotted the ball into the back of the net for Barnstoneworth’s 5th. Another perfectly timed cross from Paul Gethin gave Stevie Echo yet another scoring opportunity, this time a header, however the far post was far to close for Steve’s liking. Instead of “head to ball” it could have been “head to post”, and fortunately Steve’s head saw sense and let the ball go out for a goal kick. The pressure from Barnstoneworth was relentless, and soon enough another superb ball through saw Paul drill home Barnstoneworth’s 6th. To get on Barnstoneworth’s score sheet in this game you had to join the queue or put your name down in advance. Even the inglorious back four bastards were pushing forward and that’s where things started to change. The bastards went awol and soon enough Stepping Hill took advantage. A corner given on the right hand side saw big Phil, still high on a lethal mix of Harpic and floor cleaner from Saturday night and thought he was wearing green, and on loan to Stepping Hill, rose like a true striker and unknowingly headed the ball off the back of his head for Barnstoneworth’s best own goal of the season… fuckin’ scab. Rumour has it Stepping Hill are quite serious about actually making Barnstoneworth an offer for the big fat useless twat. A frustrated Jono then decided to cheer on “The Bronze” as Stepping Hill scored 2 more goals in quick succession which almost made the orange and black engine miss a gear, but apparently the inglorious back four bastards later revealed to the press that these were purely consolation goals and there was nothing to worry about. With 15 minutes to go on came “The Toe” to christen his new Adidas boots who nearly earned the much coveted title of “Super Toe” when he was put through on goal for Barnstoneworth’s 7th goal. Unfortunately “The Toe” was denied by the keeper and the game finished Barnstoneworth 6 v 3 Stepping Hill.
After the game the orange and black engine drove to The Pen where beer and a rather hot curry was consumed whilst watching the derby and LIverpool equalising in the last 15 mins… twats. No injuries to report and John Whitehead won the £10 scratch card.
