Stepping Hill step down. Barnstoneworth move up!
The Sewerage Works ground, The Stadium of Shite, certainly lived up to its name on Sunday with a great pre-match performance from Stan who got the game off to a great shart! And no, that’s not a spelling mistake. Stan, usually solid at the back end and known for occasionally drilling the odd ball into the back of the net managed to drill a superb loose shart straight into the back of his shorts! It's at times like this when Barnstoneworth sock ties come in handy – worn over shorts around the thigh they double up as superb shit stoppers! Stan blamed his pre-match performance on his wife’s duck curry which is obviously powerful enough to unblock any drain faster than Dyno Rod. Any players offered a meal at the McLachlan’s please re-think!
With Stan forced to shit the first half out on Barnstoneworth’s premium portaloo, Pete the Toe stepped in, and defiant not to soil his box again the game got under way in glorious October sunshine. Playing from the Copse End Barnstoneworth put Stepping Hill straight under pressure who we’re lucky enough not to concede an early goal as a low curved shot from Pricey went inches wide of the right hand post. But pressure was short lived and Stepping Hill stepped up their game and played some good passing football all centred around their ex Rangers No. 4 who started to control the midfield. Ten minutes later a cross into the box saw Stepping Hill’s striker head the ball in to take the lead 1-0. Possession was fairly equal in the remainder of the 1st half with both teams battling it out - Stepping Hill to increase their advantage and Barnstoneworth searching for the equaliser, however the first half finished Stepping Hill 1 – 0 Barnstoneworth.
The 2nd half kicked off with a few changes. Off the bog came Stan, and on trotted Mal and Toddy who shattered his injury sustainment record by at least 3 minutes. Toddy is now in serious training to get his appearance record down to just under 2 minutes before the end of the season. New signing James stepped in for the injury prone Toddy, Bonnet moved up into midfield and the scene was set. And it wasn’t long before Barnstoneworth started to dominate, bombarding Stepping Hill with some great crosses. Up went Echo like a majestic leaping salmon who took a shove from behind, screamed like a girl and Barnstoneworth were awarded a penalty. Sir Cuthbert stepped in and buried the ball in the bottom right hand corner for the equaliser giving Barnstoneworth the lift they needed.
Straight from the restart, more 2nd half pressure from Barnstonworth resulted in a great pass from Pricey through to Paul who put in a perfectly measured cross which met the head of Stevie Echo to take the game to 2-1. Another ball into the box deflected off the junior school ref which Pricey (still high on blue Skittles from the 1st half) ran after and could have kept in, but decided to let the ball go out for a throw in which he calmly took himself. However the throw was immediately given the opposite way? Despite Pricey's confusion and the loss of possession, Barnstoneworth came back even harder and 10 minutes before time a great corner from Robbo into the heart of Stepping Hill’s goal mouth saw the ball drop straight at Echo’s feet who calmly slotted in Branstoneworth’s 3rd. Stepping Hill at this point were crumbling fast and eventually stepped down to allow Barnstoneworth to move up with 3 points with the game finishing, Barnstoneworth 3 v Stepping Hill 1.
Beers, chilli and chips were consumed in The Pen after the game with Stepping Hill where Echo bagged another - the £10 scratch card... Twat! Only one injury to report and you don’t need reminding of who! Pricey has gone cold turkey and hopes to be off blue Skittles and totally clean before next Sunday's match, and Stan and his soiled shorts are now on international duties for the next 3 weeks.
