Disclaimer: I spent the majority of the game 50-60 yards away from the action and I'm afraid that the 10th pint I had on Saturday night killed any remaining knowledge I had left of the game. In light of this and good spirit, I thought I'd entertain you all with a passage from the short story I'm writing and will be releasing later on this year. Please don't leak it to the press but I expect it to be entitled 'Roy Keane: You Wrote Two Books Too Many and Your Beard Looks Ridiculous'.
The Build Up
I woke up at 11am on Saturday 4th October feeling refreshed, excited and full of anticipation for Atholl's 3rd league game of the season. The sun was shining and the heat was exhilarating... It cast my mind back to July, when work was less stressful (people eat more crisps in the summer), the women were tanned and wearing fewer clothes and I had no points on my license. My pre game ritual of bacon, some OJ and Fifa went down a treat. I was in such a good mood that I even paid my speeding fine.
Then 12pm hit... RAIN. Suddenly I was reminded that it was October and that I'd not thought about the route I was going to take to the game. Thanks to my friend Journey Planner I managed to identify a bus that would take me almost straight to the pitch. So, in hand with as many wellies, waterproofs, umbrellas and Oyster Cards as I could find, I left home. The bus journey was smooth and despite the rain, I was still in high spirits.
As I approached Regents Park I felt a sudden unease. The rain was gushing down, I'd left all of my wellies and waterproofs on the bus and I had no idea where the pitch was. I walked around for about 15-20 minutes and eventually found an entrance to the park. At this point, wet and disorientated, I found the energy to power walk through the constant crowd of young mums and tourists until I found 'The Hub'.
The Arrival
I arrived late, at 13.20 to be precise. I was relieved but concerned at the same time to find that only 4 players had arrived before me. The changing room was lively as there was another away team sharing it with us. The majority of their players had arrived on time and were doing various stretches whilst sporting a clean, red Adidas kit. Slowly but surely our players arrived and by 1.45pm we were on our way out.
The Warm Up
Jeff is as professional a coach as I've seen. He finds many ways for us to run across the pitch, do various stretches (inclusive of squats and lunges) and pass the ball around. The biggest shame is that our team was not ready and on the pitch early enough to partake in a full warm up. We were ultimately punished for this as the referee quickly halted our attempt to warm Carl up and improve his confidence with some tame shooting.
The Game
The bit you've all been waiting for.
As we lined up to start the game, I was immediately confused as to why both teams were playing in blue and my assumption was that neither captain had internet and/or mobile phone access during the week. But, I digress.
Atholl started brightly, especially me. I had my super lightweight Orange Zest Adidas Adizero Boots on and they looked fantastic. They compliment the Atholl Blue excellently and certainly have improved my straight line speed, whilst also lessening the weight of my kitbag. Early on in the game we won a corner. Excellently taken by Sam, it was met by a towering header from our tall, strong and nimble centre half, Stephen Rooke. Despite Bishop's Park having a 5ft 2in tall man on the line, there was nothing that could be done to stop it nestling in the top corner.
COME ON BOYS
A few scrappy minutes passed. Atholl were a little confused as to whether to utilise the carpet-like surface or to play long ball to Sam and I. Up front it was very much a game of cat and mouse. At some points Sam was the cat and I was the mouse, at others it was visa versa. Nevertheless, we always managed to run into each other eventually before going our separate ways.
Whilst contemplating whether or not to go for cider or stick to lager after the game, what appeared to be an innocuous, inoffensive ball over the top from Bishop's Park resulted in an assist for Ciaran and a goal for one of their players. There was a mix up between Ciaran, Carl and possibly another player which resulted in Ciaran delicately playing the ball across goal, gifting an easy finish to their striker.
UNLUCKY BOYS, LET'S JUST GET IT OUT NEXT TIME
Nothing too much else exciting happened during the rest of the half. Pete and Sam played a couple of excellent balls into me and I unfortunately hit them straight at the keeper. The keeper's insistence on going to ground and creating a difficult save for himself each time would have been a cameraman's paradise, however it didn't result in a goal for Atholl.
Oh, and unfortunately we conceded a second goal. Carl did well to push away an initial on target effort from a member of the Bishop's Park clan, however unfortunately for Atholl it fell straight to their player who had made a Lampard-esque run into the box and finished off neatly.
The half time team talk was inspiring. Calm words by Jeff and David helped regroup us and I really felt that we could go on and get something out of the game.
Digression: During this time there was a lot of concern and confusion around appropriate footwear. It had rained for a prolonged period of time but the ground was still quite hard. I recall Pete and at least one other member of the team considering changing their footwear with talk at one point of even mixing and matching boots depending upon how each foot was feeling.
The Second Half
Unfortunately our efforts were to no avail. Despite us coming out with a more clear cut game plan of increasing our tempo, playing it out quickly from the back and hitting their full backs, we drew a blank. We created a few chances from set pieces, resulting in a few edgy moments for BP (as they're now affectionately known) and we collectively and individually tested the referee's card draw out. I tried, I tried and I tried again but I couldn't once even tempt the referee to tell me off or produce a yellow card. I used the money saved to top up the 5th of my Oyster Card collection.
The Synopsis
A disappointing result but lots of positives to take from the game. As usual, we went to the local watering hole afterwards to socialise over alcohol, Pepsi (they didn't have Coke) and food. It was a nice affair. The pub was lovely, the rain had stopped and the beer was nice. I got a tube back to South Kensington, carried on the party and woke up in Camden the following morning.
I look forward to this week's game.
Lewis
The End
