TILEHURST Parish Council are tonight in discussions with their Twyford counterparts over a postcode swap deal which would see Tilehurst adopt RG10, following their premier side's 10th (tenth) consecutive league victory over Richfield Rovers Reserves this morning.
A brace of free kicks from captain marvel Mark Harding and team veteran Matthew Gill put the Bees into a comfortable lead before A.GobbyKunt scored a consolation goal that proved to be like their striker Billy Mitchell - too little and too late.
The game started under the careful stewardship of a referee who at first glance appeared to have Garfield the cat glued to his head. Right from the off, tackles flew in of a questionable nature. 15 minutes in and as the game begun to settle, the Bees were awarded a free kick for a seemingly innocuous arial challenge on the halfway line.
Seeing the opportunity to have a shot and being encouraged to try his luck by the watching TYM faithful, up stepped Matthew Gill to produce the kick of his life which left the fat goalie more flummoxed than Mike Gatting from THAT ball by Shane Warne. His life flashing before his eyes, he couldn't react quick enough to stop Gill's floated piledriver nestle into the top corner. This sparked the sort of celebrations last seen when Janet Jackson's nipple slipped at Superbowl with a stray fan joining the pitch to knee slide with Matt Gill underneath a swarm of bees.
Going 1-0 down seemed to rile Richfield Rovers Reserves and the ferociousness of their tackles increased, their mouths got dirtier and their actions more desperate. The good natured chanting of the TYM faithful (today's attendance: 12) caused several players to lose their focus and the number of free kicks they gave away far outweighed the number of successful passes they strung together.
Half Time saw the RRR (not that kind of RRR kids, although I've got the old Carol Vorderman VHS' kicking about somewhere - must find out, Sunday afternoon fap) manager dish out an absolute verbal raping. Unconfirmed reports his undignified, incoherent rankings could be heard as far away as School Road.
Into the second half and a Mark Harding free kick put the Bees into full control, his free kick going right down the throat of the keeper - typically if this was a kebab or Victoria Sponge Cake he'd have swallowed it up but unfortunately for him it was a Size 5 Mitre.
RRR grabbed a late consolation goal before hideously simulating that goalkeeper & local UKIP representative Haines had fouled one of their players. The shorter the amount of time left, the shorter their fuses got and eventually after one throat grab too many, number 5 was sent off for an early bath.
Soon after, the referee blew his whistle to call time on proceedings and confirm Tilehurst YM's meteoric rise to top of the league (YES THAT'S TOP THOM DRAKE IF YOU'RE READING YOU MASSIVE GAY SHITE). Manager Clive Butler said, "we've worked really are for that result today. We didn't have the rub of the green before the game with certain players in the squad gaying out to spend time with their mrs' - they know who they are - but we dug in and my lads gave it their all today. We're buzzing about the win and focused on next week's trip to County"
By: Clive Baskerville, Victoria Recreation Ground
The Hound
