It was the final game of the season for the snakes, and with nothing left to play for, in terms of league position, the management decided to shake things up a little by drawing names and positions “out of the hat”. The draw was conducted by Marcus, and as there was no impartial adjudicator present, claims of a ‘fix’ were raised as the names were pulled from somewhere unseen on the draw recording. However the line-up didn’t look too shabby on paper, even though it handed a rare start for Halls very own Jihadist, Josh Bradley. Professional peperami impersonator Clissitt was given the gloves, Hoyle Jnr moved from between the sticks to left back, and leading scorer Gibson was pushed back into midfield even though he was chasing his 30th goal of the season – for which there is no award. On the subs bench was Hoyle Snr, Hemblys and Gallagher(who was extremely angry – for no particular reason).
The touchline could have been mistaken for a summer party, with flipflops, shorts and sunglasses on show. Coates took it upon himself to bring a crate of lager and a BBQ, although in truth the BBQ more resembled an ashtray than something to prepare any food on. Cartlidge brought his own alcohol, in bottles that would only look big in the hand of Jeremy Beadle. The alcohol didn’t last long with players, subs, management, and supporters all partaking. (Hoyle Snr was later despatched to the local offy to bring fresh supplies).
The opposition were ready to go as the final slurps of Budweiser were taken on by the starting 11, it was clear from the off that North Bridge were taking this game seriously, and named their strongest 11 (in all their correct positions). However, despite this it was Hall that started the stronger, having more possession and looking comfortable, so comfortable in fact that Clissitt was able to have a few sips of his strategically placed bottle of bud from behind his goal. Bradley, in his centre forward position was proving to be a real threat, unfortunately that threat was that he might actually make contact with the ball! Hand who had been drawn on the right wing seemed to be enjoying his role, so much so he was able to laugh at his own first touch, even this speedster couldn’t catch it!
It was a little surprise that it was Bridge who was opened the scoring in the 14th minute, a mix up in the Hall defence left the Bridge striker with an easy finish – an actual stick of peperami may have been more use in goal. Hall regrouped and started again, Robinson in at centre half (allegedly) was trying his best to nutmeg every single player, his skills were only outdone by Hoyle Jnr who was showing off his much practiced rabona. None of his team mates were impressed, but his now legal girlfriend was surely not disappointed.
Shortly after Bridge should have made it 2-0, with more confusion in the Hall defence the Bridge striker stole the ball from Clissitt, having no idea of his surroundings after finishing his bottle of bud, the Bridge player was left with an open net with the easiest of tap ins, fortunately for the snakes it would appear the striker had also been drinking several beers (or had shooting practice with Cartlidge) as he somehow managed to miss the gaping goal, laughter echoed around the pitch. A let off surely? But a lesson not learned as shortly afterwards Bridge did double their lead. This time it was Robinson who was caught with the ball, trying to show all his skills that got him a game for Campion once, however there was no mistake from the opposition this time as the lead was doubled.
As the game went on it was still Hall that were in control with the only real problems being self-inflicted, however, Hall were next on the scoresheet. Casey drawn on the left wing, and trying desperately hard to catch Clissitt in the goal scoring charts, was the man of the moment. Not only was he trying to catch the chip and shoot master he was also following his goal scoring techniques. Casey got the ball wide left and after beating a couple of men lofted a cross to the back post for Bradley, luckily for Hall, with Bradley still having a single touch all game, the wind caught hold of said cross, the movement from the wind confused the bridge keeper and the ball fell in. Casey claiming his cross was an intentional shot was convincing no one. It was now game on.
The game continued in a similar vein with Hall being the masters of their own demise, the referee was clearly not happy with how Hall were treating the game and to show his unhappiness was offering Bridge all the protection (and decisions) he could. It was Bridge that was to go on and claim their third goal, this time no particular Hall error but a decent strike which Clissitt for his hand to however having arms that skinnier than one of Imire’s legs he had no chance of stopping it. The Hall players looked like they had accepted that the game was going to be a loss. On the touchline discussion were ongoing about potential changes to the formation and players positions. With Gibson still chasing his 30th goal it was clear he was going to need at least another 15 opportunities till that finally happened.
With 45 minutes up on the clock the referee blew for half time, the Hall players made their way to the touchline for an unusual team talk from head coach Williams – there was no shouting or any berating. The Hall players took on their half time refreshments – cans of carling and fosters supplied courtesy of Hoyle Snr. The team was sent back out with added advantage of now shooting down the hill. The subs were told to get ready to go on shortly.
As the second half commenced Hall were using the slope to their advantage, even peperami man Clissitt was able to get some extra yardage in his kicks – one even reached the half way line! Casey who was due to be hauled off in the pre drawn substitutions got a goal back for Hall. Again working his magic on the wing he somehow wormed his way through a couple of challenges, and without needing the wind, saw his goal bound effort cross the line. Seeing his opportunity to maybe score another 4 goals to overtake Clissitt, Casey begged with the Hall management not take him off and make a different substitution, offering the fines committee an extra £20 for the privilege. Not one to usually be swung by a bribe manager Williams accepted the offer and Casey was going to get his chance.
60 minutes in and 3-2 down it was time for the dream team to enter the fray, unfortunately with Casey staying on the pitch the much anticipated ‘Ginger Wing’ never happened as it was A. Suddal who made way for Gallagher, also coming on was Hoyle Snr for Bradley and Super sub Hemblys on for Clissitt. Hemblys been pushed further back – where will he be next season?
Hall were now working hard to get the equaliser, as the belief grew that Bridge were there for the taking. J.Suddal in his centre midfield role was working hard as his midfield partner Gibson was pushing further and further forward, having 18 chances and still not on the scoresheet. In fact everyone was using the slope to push forward, Robinson more than most. Hall had the unsual formation of 1-2-2-5 at times with Imrie the sole defender, Hemblys rarely in his area and Smehthurst and Gallagher as defensive midfielders . With only one defender Hemblys was called into action several times, playing as a sweeper keeper he mopped up all the balls over the top with ease, using his composure and class on the football to put a real display. Hoyle Snr was in awe at what he was seeing, realising he was dropping further down the pecking order for the number 1 shirt.
The Hall pressure was too much for Bridge, and it was Robinson, who had given himself a free role who created the next opportunity. Not one shy to have an effort from any distance tried his luck from 35yards his effort was going wide, probably going for a throw in, in all honesty, however luckily for Hall his effort took a huge deflection and was diverted goal bound leaving their ‘keeper with no chance. 3 all and with the bit between the teeth Hall could smell the victory.
Unfortunately Bridge regained the lead, a poor back pass to Hemblys left him with very little options, even with his undoubted skill and ability, his scuffed clearance falling to Bridge substitute Benoit. Benoit who for once actually had some awareness crossed the ball, a diving Hemblys was unable to prevent the cross reaching one of three waiting Bridge players. The Hall defence, again consisting of just Imrie was no match and the shot was despatched with aplomb.
Despite the setback Hall were still confident of getting a favourable result. Gallagher, who was playing wherever he wanted was getting angrier and showing football ability no one was aware he had. Hoyle Snr on the wing was trying desperately to out skill his younger sibling – surely he wasn’t trying to impress the newly legal sister-in-law? The minutes were passing by and the chances of victory fading, then the moment Gibson had been waiting for. A foul on J. Suddal resulted in a freekick dead centre of the goal 25yards out, and more importantly chance number 25 for Gibson, who was not letting anyone else take it. Gibson ran up and scuffed his effort goalwards, luckily for him his effort was downhill, the steep gradient on the pitch meant his shot picked up pace it went past the wall and into the bottom corner. Goal number 30 for Gibson – who is only coming to presentation day as he believes there will be some sort of trophy.
Anyway the game was 4-4 and there was still time for a little drama, a through ball by a Bridge player was stopped by the dive of Robinson, again Hoyle Snr looked on in disbelief at what would have been unbelievable save, had it not been 40 yards out of goal – another place dropped in the pecking order. The referee who had clearly had enough by this time seemed overjoyed to be able to produce a yellow card for Robinson despite his best Steven Taylor impersonation claiming the ball actually hit his face.
There was still time for Hemblys to again demonstrate his abilities by taking on beating the new Bridge striker, however the game petered out and finished 4-4, although there was still time for a final flourish from the referee claiming Robinson had used foul and abusive language towards him after the full time whistle earning him his second yellow card and a sending off. The red card means Robinson will be suspended from the first three games of next season with Cock and Bottle, before he re-joins Hall.
Celebrations of the season started immediately, so much so that Gibson made an appearance in the club house and was the last man standing.
Its been a great first season for Hall who are looking to improve and move on next season.
As a footnote; if Mrs Henshaw is reading – Henshaw made a 30 second cameo on the pitch where he received an elbow to the eye at a corner resulting in a black eye -honest.
