On a sunny Sunday morning STC were looking to extend their perfect start to the season against an AFC Greenwich side, known to flaunt the age requirements of its players. For the first time, the game was to be played on a plastic pitch, which brought memories of Kenilworth road and Steve Fosters head band.
So STC arrived with a bare 11 and a few sore heads following the Headmasters 50th shin dig, which meant a first start of the season for the returning Bob Davy. Looking around the changing room, there was a distinct lack of centre backs with both Steve and Lawrie missing, and so it was Slim who volunteered to fill the void. Yes Lee, Slim volunteered, end of.
So to the pre match warm up, well I say warm up, it was more of STC players watching the AFC Greenwich U18 academy doing training drills and thinking, hang on, we have kids older than most of them.
So STC lined up with a standard 4-4-2, Jordan (I can catch honest) in goal, Mike and Deano full backs, Shaun and Slim at the back, Rob and Bob out wide, Jan Molby and Gav in the middle with Lee and the King of the tantrums up top.
So the game kicked off and STC started strong, hassling the opposition across the pitch and passing the ball well. Within 5 minutes it was 1- 0, Sheggs hounding the back 4 and somehow they managed to slice it into their own net. A poor start for the oppo.
The next 20 minutes set the tone and killed the game off for STC. It was clear the kids of AFC Greenwich hadn’t been taught to tackle and they simply sat off the STC players who started to make good use of the space, moving the ball across the pitch at will. Scott & Gav marshalling the midfield and Shaun and Slim pulling the strings from the back.
The second goal was a corker. Slim picked the ball up in defence and played a well-timed ball out to Rob out wide on the right. Rob played Lee down the channel who put in a great cross and Sheggs was in the right place to tap home from 3 yards. Great team goal. 2 minutes later is was 3. After 2 one on one misses by Lee (this would set the tone of the match for Lee) he finally got on the score sheet, a well worked move down the right involving Slim, Deano and Rob led to a low cross from Rob which Lee turned in. Soon it was 4. Slim taking every opportunity to get forward, getting on the score sheet. A corner from the right was not cleared by the AFC defence and Slim was hand to half volley the ball into the next from 10 yards.
This was starting to look ominous for the opposition, Lee missed another couple of chances and fired high and wide on a number of occasions when found in space 30 yards out. It really was strange for a team to now hassle or challenge in midfield and STC were using the time and space well. Sheggs was soon on the score sheet again following another good cross from Lee and well timed header from the PLAYER…..
5 became 6, with Scott turning in a Deano corner form the seat of his backside. With half time approaching a miracle occurred. Scott played a pearler through to Lee, one on one and you guessed it, HE ACTUALLY SCORED IT. Yes Lee Roberts scored a one on one. You heard it here first sports fans, Lee Roberts scored a one on one.
So half time, 7-0 up and cruising. A lot of hard work and effort from all the side and 7 goals to show for it.
The second half started much the same, STC dominating against an ever green AFC side, whose substitutes kept getting younger. By the end of the game their average age was about 24 with 1 individual running on in a nappy.
STC were making numerous chances, Lee missing a few more one on ones which was to be expected before Sheggs got in on the act putting 2 clear one on ones wide. Next was true comedy. Lee broke through the defence after a clever ball from Jan ‘Scott’ Molby and went through one on one and with pressure building after the previous missed proceeded to, and I quote the Headmaster in the bar afterwards, ‘’Square it to his imaginary friend’’. Needless to say it was a right royal f@#k up, although Lee swears blindly that he was passing to Sheggs.
Sheggs soon went on a mazy run into the box beating 2 men before being brought down. Penalty. Sheggs on hat-trick wanted to take it but as per STC rules, you miss it moves on and it was the turn of Mike to step up. Step he did and push it past the far post. Oh dear, next on Pens is Deano or Gav.
However, it was not over for Sheggs. After a tantrum that would rival and toddler throwing his toys out of the pram, the little baby proceeded to whine, scream and quite literally throw himself on the floor, arms and legs kicking in the air saying it’s not fair. This writer half expected him to pick the ball up and say it’s my ball, you’re not playing and I’m going home.
2 minutes later all was forgiven and Sheggs was grinning again after finally getting his hat trick. A long goal kick from Slim was flicked on buy Roberts and Sheggs converted the one on one. Well played Sheggs.
8 quickly became 9, when Mike followed up with smart finish after a mix up in the defence, caused by Sheggs chasing down 12 year old in defence.
Next Sheggs went through after a great ball from Bob, one on one again, but hit the post. With STC striving for double figures, AFC hit on the break with the teenagers bringing pace and intent, but the STC defence strong, although everyone held their breath as Jordan flapped once again at a cross, running under the ball, but to everyone’s relied, it sailed just wide. Jordan, are you sure you are not from Transylvania?
With the game over, there was still time for Slim to get on the score sheet again. What can only be described as a pin point corner from Roberts was met by Slim and his powerful header from the edge of the box rifled into the top corner. 10-0, game set and match.
There was still time for a little further entertainment with opposition commenting Slim challenge as child abuse, to which Slims reserved response was ‘While I appreciate your feedback on the challenge, one would like to point out that one took the ball cleanly and would to re-iterate that the game of Football is a man’s game and not appropriate for weak young gentlemen’. Well that’s how this writer recalls it.
So a 10-0 win in a match which if Sheggs and Lee could shoot straight could have been 20. Four wins from four, let’s keep it going next week away to Orpington. Is this the year for the STC INVINCABLES????
Man of the match this week was a hard one, as it was a great team performance, Sheggs with 3, Roberts, finishing aside having a great game, Slim, Mike, Deano and Shaun solid at the back, Rob and Bob up and down the flanks and Gav tireless in midfield, it is this writer with the decisive vote, and it goes to Scott. Rolling back the years for once, not just the rolls on his ever growing belly, the puppeteer in midfield. Well played Sir.
In summary, Men vs Boys and 10-0 says it all.
