Richie Benaud - "Hello and welcome to Wired World of Sports special coverage at Foutress Moonshine, I am your host Richie Benaud and I welcome you all to what should be an ab...so..lutly inthrawling game between The Marauders FC, who have been sh*ting over everyone, and Wallaceville United who are juust struggling to meet the high demands that a required in the SportZone Sunday League. As the players are starting to arrive we switch to A J Greg for his pitch report."
Tony Greg - "Yeerss its very good to be here today in which the conditions have alot to be desired. The rain has receeded however Fortress Moonshine has suffered at the hands of the Welly Weather. Very greasy on top and with a large number small lakes developing it should be a harrd and farst battle. We are also pleased to announce that the no.52 bus stop has been rerouted and that sees the buses away from the field. Back to you Richie."
Richie Benaud - "Thankyou Tony, now the two teams, The Marauders as usual putting a very strong foot forward. Josh in goal with a back three of Case, Nick and John who still has a injury cloud following him every step. Dempster sits just in front if them with a midfield of Fold, Wilson, Gordo who gets the knod via R.P.S. Dave slots in at Right Mid. Thus leaving Dribble and Mark up front, which says a lot about the quality of the team to have the likes of Jason on the bench. Wallaceville on the other hand... well good luck, what a sh*thouse looking lineup, an array of skinheads, 1980's heavy metal locks, and others who are walking out as I speak with what we hope are closed cigarettes. With the game moments away we switch to Tony Greg and Bill Lawry."
Tony Greg - "Yeerss welcome back here, as the players have emerged and The Marauders FC set to take the kickoff, Wallaceville sucking in the last big ones on their cigarettes as the leagues favorite ref Pedro blows his whistle, how do you see this one Bill?"
Bill Lawry - "Hello and Good morning all, yes this one is already over as the class and the skills of The Marauders should out wit Wallaceville in every aspect, as the blue and Wellingtonian gold go stroming through and first chance falls to Fold who fires viciously at the keeper who clings on for dear life!"
Tony Greg - "Well Bill you havn't wasted any time in nailing your colours to the mast, as in reality Folds dismal shot dribbles towards the keeper troubling no-one. However more attacks developing as we speak, chances failed to capitalized from Mark and now from Dribble with a howler, with a routine tap in from 6yrds not finding the back of the net."
Bill Lawry - "Awww yes maybe so but its all blue and gold as the ball comes down the dangerous right flank, finding dribble, takes a touch, GOAL!!!!!!"
Tony Greg - "Well theres the first goal 1-0, a beautiful left footed shot into the top of the net. Marvelous effort as they come streaming forward again and corner that is whipped in by Fold to find the head of Dribble who doubles the tally."
Bill Lawry - "Aww the skills, the goals, the tension, the drama, the buzz, the atmosphere, The Marauders already 2-0 up as once again they come forward, no time to catch your breath here, as Mark clears space in the box, close control, composure, the shot.....3-0!!!!!!!!"
Tony Greg - "Calm yourself Bill The Marauders may be in a good position but..."
Bill Lawry - "HATRICK!!!!!! Dribble gets his third after a goalie fumble and a deflected tab in which hit the post and fell to Dribble from 1yrd!"
Tony Greg - "The Marauders very much in control, Wallaceville with too much to do one might think, as Johns hopes of claiming his second of the season are put on hold as the early shower curtsy of Mr Hamstring is calling his name. However thats not putting a halt on anything on the field as Dribble lays off to Fold on the edge of the box who hits it very haard and faast....
Bill Lawry - "GOALSKIS!!!!! awwwha the captain gets his first of the season, although hit straight at the goalie he was still left floundering!
Tony Greg - "Everybody playing as unsung heros, no more than Jason and Wilson who are orchestrating the fine passes around the middle, as Dribble once again latches onto a cross from the left and delivers it home 6-0!!!!! Bill is going absolutely bananas here."
Bill Lawry - "Thats his fourth! What a performance, what a man, what a tremendous athlete..."
Tony Greg - "He may have slotted a couple of cheeky goals but i'd hardly call him a tremendous athlete, and his corners have somewhat to be desired as Pedro brings the first half onslaught to a close at 6-0, Back to you Richie."
Richie Benaud - "Thankyou Tony, well as you would expect The Marauders class is proving to be juust a bit too much for Wallacville. Both teams now in a huddle, one talking about position changes, the other blocking out wind and sharing the lighter around. With both teams heading out we go back to Bill and Tony."
Bill Lawry - "Aww yes welcome back to what is already a full gone conclusion. Slight changes sees Dribble go between the sticks, Josh takes his place up front, and the twins switch places."
Tony Greg - "As expected The Marauders storm the final third, with Davo just inside the box who has the option of shooting but releases a ball for his brother in Mark who slots it home for his second and The Marauders 7th"
Bill Lawry - "Awaha a superb brace, whos it gonna be next? as Nico streams down the right with numbers, but plays a top early ball though and Whammm! what a goal, the ball found Davo and then rocketed into the top of the net, taking paint off the cross bar in the process!"
Tony Greg - "So 8-0 the score, Davo takes the gloves, and a moment of emotion as Dribble allows Big Bum to take the reins upfront. Can he score his first goal of the season? much recent criticism has been directed at the shin pads!"
Bill Lawry - "Awaha! Geta load of this! Josh gets fed a lovely through ball on goal only for his first touch to control resulting in the ball being fired straight at the keeper via the mighty big toe."
Tony Greg - "Yes thats got to hurt the confidence, as the front pair race forward again, Josh's loose touch allows Wilson who pace is certainly above his usual standard to gather the ball and fire it only to be denied by the keeper."
Bill Lawry - "Aww Mr Wilson is the first to be heaping praise upon the keeper however its 8-0 and if he doesn't score soon when will he?"
Tony Greg - "Fold to take the corner who goes short to Dempster who against the odds whips in a half decent ball and finds the head of..."
Bill Lawry - "BIG BUM!!! 9-0! aw I take it all back, the class, the skill, the diving header!
Tony Greg - "I think you'll find he slipped there Bill."
Bill Lawry - "You shut your face Tony, that was tremendous brilliant play by all, and his emotions show that by embracing Pedro with an unwanted hug."
Tony Greg - "Back in a familiar position as once again Fold goes short to Dempster who makes another fantastic ball in, and the noggan rising belongs to Josh, as the ball sails into the top corner of the net.... 10-0!"
Bill Lawry - "What are the odds of Josh scoring one of the best headers of the season? surely more likely than Dempster though. As Josh strives forward, one on one with the keeper, he has support but does not need it as he passes it past the despairing keeper....11-0!"
Tony Greg - "Where will this end I hat to think? As Case takes one to the nuts which see's him drop quicker than a whores drawers! Bill in fits of laughter as Dribble probes into the box, turns right, turns left, turns right again, he should shoot but lays it off to Wilson who from 6yrds remembers the feeling of scoring his first of the season and tries to offer that feeling to Nico, however Nico from 5yrds is deemed offside."
Bill Lawry - "AWWW whats going on there? comedy factor for sure, has to be deliberate. Gordo now charging up, he's been solid all game, probes the ball forwards, receives it back, first time strike....12-0! Uncanny edge of the box, low and hard!"
Tony Greg - "Pedro glances at the watch and to the relief of Wallacville brings the game to a close. The boys in blue and yellow have certainly done the business today, haven't they?"
Bill Lawry - " Done the business? Done the business? these guys are tremendous athletes, and some people believe their poo is pure white and has no smell what so ever, and i can believe it!"
Tony Greg - "True or not regardless the final score is Marauders 12 Wallaceville 0."
Richie Benaud - "Well certainly The Marauders hopes of making it a second successive title is still on track, as they hit the pub for the "brews and chews" beers, wedges and 2 platters, one platter of which is curtsey of Case's first offerings to the team. I Hope you enjoyed Wired World of Sports coverage today, im Richie Benaud, bye for now!"
Fines:
Nathan - Hatrick
Nico - Foul throw X2
John - Foul throw
Me - If no-one else in the team is familiar to the 12th man.
Fold
The Marauders Football Club
Wellington
New Zealand
