**Super League B Result**
*Dog Dog Smelly*
Goal Sports Giants - 1 - Le'Friett
Edgehill Iron Pigs Res - 3
The Eyres Scaffolding MOTM - Louis Rafter (Pictured)
The Everley Fan Of The Match – Sir Alec Coulson (Pictured)
Attendance - 8
By Randy Bloomshield, Scarborough News Of The World.
The Goal Sports Giants knocked out what can only be described as a `Dog Dog Smelly` kinda result on a wet day at Rudston, as they failed to even get anywhere near last week’s performance of awesomeness, which sadly see's us pick up the L.
After a late pitch inspection from a really talk guy suitably called Stretch, the Giants welcomed the Iron Pigs team coach to the Storm Roofing Arena, and with it brought local league leg-end and Edgehill hall of famer Sir Alec of Coulson.
Coulson, 42, the Iron Pigs club chairman and owner, who was recently voted "The worst owner of a Super League Soccer Franchise" by Super League fans in the Scarborough News of the world for his outrageous antics, famously changed the club colours from red to orange as it is considered lucky in over 17 countries, as well as attempting to rule the club only signed players with an 8 in their date of birth! Coulson is so crazy he once thought Tupac Shakur was a holiday in Egypt, but there is one thing never in question, and that is his love for the Iron Pigs soccer franchise!
The Iron Pigs are a hugely big deal in Super League B, winning the championship rings on countless occasions, and it was obvious from the whistle lords opening hooter today was going to be a tough day - as many Giants forgot how to play soccer good, and the Iron Pigs got on top like the main guy in some low budget XXX movie as they pummelled real hard to get the right result.
Coulson was enjoying his franchise's start, as he gesticulated profusely on the touch line, using all his coaching knowledge to gee up the boys, knowing they needed to insert more than the Giants if they were to take victory as he snapped away some pics on his Nokia 6250- but the soccer ball just would not go in the soccer goal, as Giants “god of the goalmouth” Charlie Hall, and some wayward finishing somehow kept the score at nils for the first 30.
Like Randy Orton outta nowhere the Giants took the lead, massively against the run of play, as Le'Friett found time and space on the edge of the DBZ from half a clearance, and a real big kick flew past everyone, kissed the post and stained the Pig's sheets, ending the Frenchmans run of 360 minutes without an insertion. Unbelievable!
The equalization goalshot was just around the corner as a clearance to the edge of the DBZ on 42 by a Giant deefense guy found an Iron pig, and with half the Giants back line sleeping like a Connor McGregor opponent after a swift right duke, an Iron Pig slashed home from close quarters as the game was knotted at ones.
The hooter sounded at 45 and the Giants trudged somehow tied. What a shambles! Could it get any worse?!
First Period - 1 v 1
Squadron leader and dwarven Coach Plumpton told the boys to stop being so crap and to play better, with Fraser and Seaside Tommy Wilde withdrawn to the subshack to be replaced by Underground Owls hero Harry Denness, and debutant Jake Adams who is a recent recruit from the Ayton Bluebirds.
With the soccer ball failing to do good things for the purple uniforms, and the majority of the squad having a real bad day, it was obvious the boys were feeling really sad, and none more so than Tyson Stubbings who's best days on the soccer field were obviously behind him after this display....
Illness struck Stubbings, 21, wasn't the only one struggling for a performance as the whole team, who recently paid £200 each to play for the club and own their own kit, just couldn’t do anything even remotely good. But at least there was no foul throws or own goals this week.
The Iron Pigs inserted on 54, as Benny Davis, who would look absolutely incredible in a purple uniform, took down the soccer ball, was allowed to turn, have a quick 2 fingers of KitKat, and power home past Hall to stain his sheets once again.
Davis, who is an incredibly talented player, like really good at kicking the soccer ball with either left or right foot, was a constant nuisance to the Giants back door, as they failed to get to grips with his youthful awesomeness, and dat guy would be on hand to deliver another blow soon after as he opened a can of whoopass to deliver a huge blow to the Giants chances of getting anything from the soccer game.
"Go watch some youtube videos of Frank Lebouf and Colin Hendry, and learn to play better deefense" yelled Giants fan Dean Smith at the Giants backline after the goal, as even outnumbered 4/1 the Iron pigs front man had somehow defeated his foes and finished the game off making Smith, and new fans, Mrs Collins & Friends really really sad. And mad.
Rudston was alive with the sound of a bunch of Iron Pigs guys clapping and high fiving one another on the final hooter, as they picked up the W, making the Giants cry tears of sadness in to their post-match meal at the Bay Horse, Kilham.
A huge cup game, which is the only cup the Giants are left in will go down next week, as we take on the Cayton Corinthians Res who infamously escaped the Storm Roofing Arena with a share of the 3 points back in September. Can the boys actually turn up this week and get back on the right track? Or will this be the end of any chance of cup glory?
#OneMoreStep2WorldDomination #GiantsWerePoo #DogDogSmelly #BestDaysAreOver #Dwarf #WeDontDiscriminateOnSize #CorinthiansNext
