Reinforcements were called to replace the absent Medicine players, who are currently on a training tour of Newcastle. They hope to return in even better form just in time for our important cup fixtures. Donnacha Lynch’s notoriously bad attitude continued, refusing to turn up to the game, in an apparent attempt to get his contract terminated. It’s unclear as to why Captain Martin Browne was A.W.O.L, rumours on twitter, photos on instagram and several birds on tinder suggest his whereabouts to be some where in central France, fuelling further speculation about possible talks with P.S.G.
Indicators to the team’s possible impotence were only accentuated when the Sperm were forced to start the match with 8 men. Albeit, it wasn’t long before Sperm converted a scattered start on a moist pitch, into a controlled game of passing and skill. The introduction of Tim’s brother, Mr. Delaney, at center back and ex Shamrock Rover’s U21, Darren, at right back, cemented the already strong defensive partnership of David Hynes and Ciaran ‘The Badger’ Tighe. An uncertain first half saw impressive running by both wings, leading to ‘one-two’ play between the attacking trio of James, Sticko and McCooey. Chances were many, but the strikers found it tough to negotiate the new ball's weight, seeing numerous shots fired over. Eventually Sperm hit the target, a low placed ball from Stephen Mitchell slipped under the keepers gloves to give his team the lead. However, as the flaccid start to Sperms game was beginning to grow fully erect, a horrific, career-ending tackle was made on Dave McCooey, who was looking dangerous all game. Johnny Quirke was quoted describing it as ‘A leg breaker’, as he looked on with shock and dismay hoping his buddy would be alright.
The arrival of the second half confirmed James ‘The Kid’ Morgahan’s theory that it was ‘a game of two halfs’. With the ‘little man’ injured, it allowed Hynes to move into his more comfortable role as a playmaking centre mid, Liddy to strongly lead the defensive line and James to push forward into his Hernadez position of play. Ginge pulled off an aerobatic save from a free kick heading to the bottom right corner early in the second half but wasn’t needed for much more of the game. Sperm started to produce a standard of passing play that hadn’t been seen all season. It was a sign that the team had gelled. That the Sperm’s cock’s were fully erect and ready to rape and degrade the opposition with an onslaught of goals. Tim Delaney fired home an impressive volley from outside the box. Johnny’s footwork up the wing, left his marker confused and violated as he repeatedly flicked balls into attacking positions, one of which was met by Finton who struck it, idiosyncratically, poorly but the rebound was followed up eagerly by Jamz. Ronan ‘Assist’ McCarthy added his third hatrick of assists this season while Stephen Mitchell and Darren Allanson tallied our goal count further. Jamz netted his second by knocking the ball forward to beat his man and connecting beautifully to curl his shot into the far right of the net. But, It was that Badger burrowing away at left back that conjured the goal of the game. A darting run into the last third of the pitch, invited Hynes’ precision pass to the omnivore weasel, who took one touch and curled the ball into the far corner about 5 yards outside the box. Unparalleled passing play combined with noticeably high fitness and positioning resulted in a comfortable win that we can now take into our opening game of the Bank of Ireland Cup
