The ref's call for an early kick-off appeared to be a good choice but ultimately back-fired.
The sloppiest start to a Sailors match ever ensued, with lacklustre movement and an absent midfield, causing choas amongst an over-run defence.
The dream centre back pairing of Fat Adam and Chris 'The Monk' soon looked in tatters as chance upon chance flew at the Sailors goal. Fortunatley, Victoria Park Royals finishing left a lot to be desired and even a rooted Dan Rose was saved by the upright early on.
Two poor goals were conceeded early on, the second of which was thought to be off-side, but the old adage of 'play to the whistle' was not adhered to and a free run at goal left Rosie stranded in no-mans-land for a simple lob.
Although frustration was obvious, there seemed to be no real fightback from the Sailors and it took a lot of fortune to get back in the game.
A long throw bounced around the opposition box before falling kindly to the feet of Pato to lash home from 3 yards.
This seemed to stir the Sailors from their slumber, but only slightly, though much could and has been blamed on the atrocious state of the pitch.
Three chances came in quick succession and all from corners, but only last ditch flicks by Nugget (x2) and Fat Adam stopped Pato from connecting and bursting the net.
However, they were not to be denied long, for in true Niall Quinn/Kevin Phillips fashion, the Sailors were back level just before half-time.
A long range free-kick from 'The Killer' was flicked on by the head of Pato and squeezed past the keeper by Mike Collins.
Although right near the end of the half, there was still time for chances at both ends, with the Nugget proving wasteful after being expertly put through by Pato.
A damn good rollocking at half-time commenced and the Sailors entered the field of play knowing that they needed to step up a gear or three to ensure the right result was found.
But again they were sloppy and only their only saving grace was having an opposing keeper that only came up to Rory's knee.
The midget had already shown his unwilling to come out and claim throw-ins and corners, so another launch by Pato caused mayhem and when the ball dropped to Mike Collins, the pint-sized poacher bagged his second of the game, half-volleying high into the net.
A quickly worked passage of play saw Pato released down the right by Captain Wells and a whipped cross found Mike Collins arriving in the box unmarked.
The diminuitive forward volleyed once and then connected for a second time to hit a hat-trick of 5 yard finishes.
Chris Emms had just turned up in time to see The Sailors best spell of the match, and the ginger stickman watched with mouth agape as a long punt upfield by Dan Rose was badly cleared and then smashed with a left foot volley from around 30 yards over the dwarf keeper.
The resounding victory was topped off by a good cameo showing from Crouchy at left-back, some interesting touchs from new boy 'Sofa Mike' and a crunching and offside riddled sideshow from portly Manager/Vice-Captain JT.
An interesting headache will now begin for next weeks selections. With 4 strikers to come back in, will Mike Collins be happy starting at the back...?
MOM: Mike Collins
AP's One to Watch: 'Sofa Mike'
Jacko's Pick: Dave Giles (Wearing buggie smugglers in Portugal)
Doughnut of the Day: Nugget - "Might as well have been wearing blue..."
