Andy Parky is a working class man. Well, middle class maybe. But he doesn't have a coat of arms or a latin motto. However, if he did it would read, 'Fac Tibi Sit Hac Occasiones' which means 'Make The Most of Your Opportunities,' and that is certainly what Matthew Malonie did against Gastec Celtic at Pleasington.
After 3 games without a win the Oswaldtwistle side were desperate to for a victory to get their stuttering promotion bid back on track. Their cause wasn't helped by their injury list. Three of the team that started against Sunnybank in the previous week were now on the treatment table along with other long term absentees. It had led to a phone goal to Parky's prodigal son, James Leech. A call that went unanswered to Parky's dismay.
Immanuel were buoyed by the return of Simon Hodgkiss and the debut of deadline day signing Graham Harrison but Parky's pack had to be shuffled which meant Matthew Malonie, who has had a mixed season in a wide midfield role finally got the chance up front that he had been begging for and he was to get the opportunity to show his manager and his teammates what he is really made of.
Despite recent results Immanuel's team spirit is still good and Parky was confident they would pull together for this victory in the way they had all pulled together that morning to rouse Fergus Heyes from his vodka induced coma after his 21st birthday party. A party that has been going on for what seems like about 18 months!
Heyes may have made it to Pleasington in body due to the efforts of the Official Oswaldtwistle Immanuel Designated Driver, Nathan Berry, but his mind seemed elsewhere and the smell of gas on pitch 7 did not seem to be helping his level of athleticism.
Parky was determined to lift his players' spirits and did so with a rousing speech highlighting the change of fortunes from last season to this and pointing out that the reason for this improvement was the performances of the players and not the management skills of Andy Parky. Although this was clearly a bare faced lie the speech had the desired effect as Immanuel tenacity and pressure on the opposition defence when they were in possession had led to Malonie scoring his first for the club on just 6 minutes and following it up with his second 9 minutes later.
Immanuel were on their way. Much of the rest of the first half was spent with Immanuel in control. Graham Harrison in particular was creating space for himself down the right flank and Toby Hodgkiss was moved up front to add even more attacking threat. After both his brothers had got his assist it was time that Toby stepped up and contributed something.
That he did early in the second half, striking from outside the box into the bottom past the despairing and intellectually below average Gastec Celtic keeper. The third goal had gone in moments after Parky used his only available substitute. Fergus Heyes had done well to remember which way he was shooting for 50 minutes but he was replaced by Andy MacDonald. It could have been a gamble as you never know which Andy MacDonald is going to show up but Parky felt it was the right move at this time.
And it is hard to argue with that as the goals began to fly in as the Gastec Celtic legs began to tire. Matt Malonie completed his hat trick on the hour as Immanuel's first choice centre forward, John Spencer, sobbed into a machine cappuccino whilst staring at the walls in the cold, concrete waiting room at Royal Blackburn Hospital's Accident and Emergency Department. What next for Spencer? Where does Matt Malonie's upturn in form leave him?
There were further goals for Simon Hodgkiss and a Nathan Berry from a spot kick before it was back to Matt Malonie to score his fourth and fifth. The fifth coming from an exquisite chip. He could have squared it to Matt Hodgkiss who had an open goal but let's face it, you just wouldn't would you.
8-0 it was to stay until the final whistle but there was to be controversy after the final whistle as despite Malonie having scored 5, Gastec Celtic decided to award the Man of the Match to left back Matthew Hodgkiss. A perplexing choice to say the least.
It had been a wonderful way to get back to winning ways for Immanuel but as there are lessons to be learned from defeats, there are lessons in victories and today's are as follows; 5 goals is not necessarily enough to get the man of the match award. Dragging your birthday out for 3 weeks is not the best preparation for a football match. If you are going to introduce a friend to your football team make sure he is not going to take your place. And most importantly, just because Andy Parky said something in the changing rooms, it doesn't mean he really believes it!
