After the high of the famous County Cup semi final win of two weeks ago FC Shepperton’s ideas of grandeur came crashing down and the reality of life in the Guildford and Woking Alliance Premier Division hit home. NLU versus FC Shepperton hardly set the pulse racing. Gone were the linesmen and the old fella in the wheelchair, gone was the prospect of a pitch invasion by Shepperton's fans (there were none), in fact gone were many of FC Shepperton’s players. So uninspiring was the fixture that FC Shepperton arrived at the home of North Leatherhead United with only one sub with even the dedicated senior pro EB not there for kick off, choosing instead to view houses and turn up 20 minutes late. On his arrival it was clear to see that even the hardened drug addicts in our team hadn’t experience a come down like this before.
It appeared that even NLU were also finding life a grind and despite both their fans drinking copious amounts of Carling neither could be persuaded to run the line. Other lines were needed to make this game more exciting.
The first half came and went in a blur of mediocrity, even the ref was struggling, wobbling around the pitch moaning about his bad back. It was a dour afternoon. The one highlight was Aaron who looked rather dashing sporting a full on beard. I wondered quietly to myself if there was a motive behind this lack of a shave. Perhaps his Mrs is sporting her own ‘beard’ and this was Aarons silent protest, perhaps he didn’t even know it was a protest and it was some weird Freudian reaction? My ponderings were very nearly interrupted by Denneh’s half time team talk, before I realised I had heard it all before and I drifted off to my happy place naked on a beach with two 21 year old Scandinavians, Sky Sports and copius amounts of drugs.
The second half whistle blew and I was crudely exposed to the fact there was no beach and definitley no babes here in North Leatherhead. In fact we weren't even in North Leatherhead but Hersham. NLU must have played such desperate football over the years they have been expelled to another town.
The afternoon was briefly cheered by Aarons impression of Ronaldo although with rather a lot more body hair. Striking a 30 yard free kick with huge dip the bearded wonder was unlucky to see his effort crash back off the upright with the keeper motionless. Even the introduction of the clubs top scorer with 30 minutes to go failed to ignite the game. The game was heading towards the goaless bore draw the afternoon deserved, but then it happened! With 5 minutes remaining the January transfer coup of the season was confirmed. Joe picked the ball up 30 yards from goal dribbling past one defender before unleashing a pile driver of a shoot with his cultured left foot giving the keeper not a chance as it smashed in off the left hand post. Shepperton celebrated, NLU looked for sign posts back to Leatherhead, how had they ended up here?
It was over and another 3 points for FC Shepperton. Denneh was overjoyed that we had learned to win ugly, his minions were polite in not pointing out that he will only ever be ugly when winning.
